Nominee: Most Awkward Conversation Ever

From Galley Friend A.W.: (The link, not the story!)

Dear Prudence,

I consider myself a moral person. I'm lucky to be married to someone caring and attractive, whom I love and who loves me back. We just had our first child. My wife has a sister who's been married for several years, has kids, and seems happy. She's also extremely sexy. My wife is beautiful to me, but she doesn't have the confidence to pull off "sexy" like her sister. A while back, my sister-in-law came over and we shared a bottle of vodka—my wife was pregnant so couldn't drink. Ever since, I catch glances from my sister-in-law that get my mind racing. She's paraded her body in front of me in bikinis all summer long. I'm not a cheating person, but I've also never been tempted before. I've tried to talk about it with my wife since we share everything. Now she feels I don't want her. She also doesn't think her sister would ever "want" me (not sure how to take that one). Hanging out with my sister-in-law and her husband is one of my favorite aspects of being a part of my wife's family. I don't want to disrupt anything, but I don't know how to carry this around with me. Would it be wrong to confront my sister-in-law about this and try to clear the air?

—Conflicted

Emphasis added, without comment.

Sabermetrics and Tennis

This might be a dumb question, but has anyone ever done the math on whether or not a tennis player would be better off hitting nothing but first serves, rather than hitting a lesser second serve?

Just as an example, let's take a player who hits 68% of his first serves in and wins 85% of those points. (My guess is that this is somewhere near the average.) Let's also (charitably) suppose that he hits 100% of his second serves in, winning 50% of those points. Over the course of 100 points, that player will win 73.8 of the 100 points on his serve.

If he hits nothing but first serves, sure, he'll have a lot of double faults (10.24 of them), but he'll wind up winning 76.3 points, giving him a 2.5 point advantage.

Has some Bill James of tennis already gamed this all out?

Robert Carlyle drinks responsibly. For once.

Galley friend S.B. sends this link to a new Johnnie Walker commercial featuring Robert Carlyle. Except it's not really a commercial; more like an infomercial. The kind you can watch over and over.

There are a ton of questions, such as how many takes did it require? Was there a teleprompter below the camera that allowed Carlyle to look down and read? Was this really one take?

All that matters is that it works. And as I told S.B., you really can't go wrong with Robert Carlyle. Except, of course, if you bump into him at a pub and make him spill his drink.

Beatles for Sale

With all the Beatlemania going on at the moment--the videogame, the new release of all the Beatles albums both in mono and stereo--it can now be said with utter certainty that John and Paul were greater together than they were apart. How certain am I?

Galley friend A.F. once again points me to another post-Beatles link on YouTube. This would be Paul McCartney and (the first iteration of) Wings singing "Mary Had a Little Lamb." Yes, that would be Linda on the swing. Oh...dear...God.

But which is worse? That or John and Yoko singing "You Ain't Nothing But a Hound Dog"? And really, sit and reflect on Yoko's "vocals." Go ahead try to defend that one. What can you say? "Oh, that Yoko Ono, no one can make dog sounds the way she does."

What Was Going on in Oudin's Box?

Melanie Oudin (why do we assume that she's a sweetheart and not a mean girl?) lost last night, ending America's first outbreak of Oudinimania. I hope it works out for her. What American tennis has always needed is an Austin-Henin hybrid.

(By-the-by, I've always suspected that despite their flaws, we're going to really miss the Williams sisters when they're gone.)

But last night's coverage of the Oudin match was a perfect example of the insularity and clubbiness of the tennis media. A whole lot was made over Oudin's box, what with her twin, her bf, her coach, her little sis, her mom, all those Charm City-style "Believe" t-shirts and . . . what was missing? Oh, right, her dad! Turns out, there's a story there. Whoa.

All of this, however, is a wind up to note how unbelievably insipid Pam Shriver has become as a TV presence. Nearly every exchange she's involved in becomes about her--last night was at least the third time this Open that she informed viewers that she once bumped into Alec Baldwin on Sunset Blvd. But she went from annoying to slightly evil with the way she bullied Oudin into giving an on-court loser's interview immediately after the match last night--with a hot mic broadcasting the uncomfortable off-camera exchange. Maybe Shriver didn't know the mic was live. But she should be enough of a pro to understand that just like "all guns are loaded," "all microphones are on."

I'm not totally sold on Oudin being America's sweetheart, but she didn't deserve that.

More Homophobia from Mickey Kaus

Check the headline on the P.S. So hateful!

"I've hunted most things that can hurt you, but the way these things move . . ."

Trailer City

Like Charlie Kaufman, only good?

More on Marvel and Disney

Yeah, post-merger we're bringing in some consultant, mm-hmm. They're going to help us . . . uh . . . "right-size," okay?

Courtesy of Galley Friend A.K.

Star Wars, cont.

I'm late to the big Star Wars counter-insurgency debate, but for whatever it's worth, I'm in near total agreement with Matt Yglesias, particularly his last graph.

Except that I wouldn't go applying labels there at the end.

PSA

The new National Affairs has launched and it looks like a serious, interesting book--worth a subscription.

U.S. Open Notes

Thoughts from the first week:

* Dent-Navarro may have been the best match I saw. Both guys coming in behind nearly every serve. Dent serving in the 140s for much of the match. (His average was 121 mph. The stats are pretty gaudy. And the fifth set tie-breaker, 11-9, was great drama.

* Clijsters-Venus was the first time I can remember seeing two high-level players trade 6-0 sets. Really weird.

* Zvonareva's meltdown against Pannetta was the strangest choke-job I've seen in a while. Zvonareva lost 6 match point, but played each of them very well. (She might have been the tiniest bit tentative, but not by much. She just got outplayed on them. But the strain of having blown 6 of them caused her to have a total freak out. She took a bathroom break and was crying. She came back out and started talking to herself. She smashed her racquet. She tore bandages off of her knees. At one point she sat on the ground hitting herself. I was a little worried she'd take her shoes off, Bomber-style.

* That Melanie Oudin is something, isn't she? Her game reminds me a lot of Hewitt's. Short, fast, good counter-puncher. Very mentally tough. If she adds a stinging serve, that'll help her a lot down the road. Hard not to love her. Although--and I may be wrong--something about her vaguely puts one in mind of Tracy Flick.

* Am I now ready to reverse myself about Federer? Pretty close. He looks like he did two years ago--totally dominant, firing on all cylinders. Nadal still isn't himself, but if Federer keeps rolling like this, I'll take it all back.

Brief Political Aside

All resignations are unconvincing and dishonest, but is this the most ridiculously dishonest resignation ever?

"I have been inundated with calls -- from across the political spectrum -- urging me to 'stay and fight.'"

It's the "across the political spectrum" qualifier that gets the gold. What's so wonderful about it is that it's entirely unnecessary. He doesn't believe it; you don't believe it; he knows that you don't believe it. And the statement would have been perfectly serviceable without it.

Exit question: How long before the Mossad/Likudniks/etc. are blamed for his persecution? That's an explanation people "from across the political spectrum" could get behind!

the blog around the corner

Galley Friends K.B. and K.E. have set up the blog around the corner. Come for the charming ambiance, stay for the pumpkin muffin recipes!

But Information Wants To Be Free!

Except in Russia. And China. And the U.S. . . .

A lot of techno experts insist that movie studios, record companies, book publishers, etc. should stop fighting piracy because the internet makes the spread of information unstoppable. Yet when people really want to stop the spread of information (even in as small-scale a case as the Erin Andrews video), it seems pretty easy to lock it down and disappear it.

Obama: The Affirmative Action President?

That Steve Sailer is a dangerous racist!

The question of whether Obama is for or against affirmative action is moot. He is not for affirmative action - he is affirmative action. When he gets up in the morning and works out to Jay Z's music, he is already telling you that he is for affirmative action.

Oh, wait . . .

E.A. Sports--It's in the Conspiracies!

In advance of her coming appearance with Oprah, Galley Crush Czabe has been airing two Erin Andrews conspiracy theories, which are variations on his original conspiracy theory:

(1) That the hotel peep-cam was actually done by Andrews on purpose in order to raise her profile in advance of contract renegotiations with the Four Letter. The operating principal here being that in modern America, any fame that does not kill you only makes you stronger.

(2) That the hotel peep-cam was actually done by Andrews as a gift for a boyfriend/significant other. The operating principle here being that sex tapes are like velociraptors--once you create them, they inevitably escape into the wild.

If the first theory were true, it would be sort of tragic. Andrews is America's sports girlfriend and we would hate to learn that deep down she's like Paris Hilton.

But if the second theory were true, wouldn't it make us love her more? It would mean that America's sports girlfriend is actually the dream girlfriend in real life. Who wouldn't stand up and salute that?

P.S.: I have not seen the aforementioned video and wouldn't watch it even if you sent a link to it to the email address just over there on the right-hand side. Yes, that one, right there.

The NoonanatorTM

"Mr. Obama's young aides are hardworking, humorous and bright as pennies, but I wish they had an arthritic ache or two, I wish they told old war stories because they'd been in old wars, I wish they knew what it looks like when an administration goes too far and strains the ties between itself and the bulk of the people."

Translation: "Why didn't they call me!"

David Grann Alert

More of his amazing true crime stuff. Enjoy.

Light Amplification, Stimulation, Emission . . . Awesome?

"The laser beam's energy defeated the vehicle."

Yeah it did. God, it sounds so hot when they talk that way.