So I'm halfway through the first sentence of this Slate piece:

If Apple, Amazon, Google, Yahoo!, eBay, Facebook, and Satan were forming a mega-portal that would satisfy all my Web needs (and in return I'd have to sell my soul and get a Bluetooth-enabled "slave chip" embedded in my eyeball) . . .

And I think to myself, Frack this! Someone is ripping off Reihan Salam. That's not cool.

And then I look up at the byline.