Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Sex and the City: The Movie

No interest in seeing it. But this review, on the other hand, is worth the price of a movie ticket:

Look, before you start with the chorus of “That movie wasn’t for you” remember this: I enjoy a good chick flick. But this wasn’t good; not by any stretch of the imagination. This was a dick and fart joke movie for women. Make no mistake, the humor in this is as crass and base as anything the boys’ movies have to offer. Someone shits themselves. There’s a close up of some forty-year-old pubic hair poking out of both sides of a swimsuit. A four year old utters the word SEX to the amusement and shock of all present in the room. A Dog repeatedly humps pillows. Sound familiar? I spent a goodly portion of this film wondering when the Farrelly Brothers had decided to cut their balls off and develop a fondness for Prada.

Two and a half god damned hours. . . .

But I just couldn’t get over how much this shared in common with BRATZ: the Movie. Montage after montage after montage with each and every problem finding a solution by the fabulously dressed four getting together, squee-ing in a pitch that will deafen dogs and neuter most of the males in the audience, and realizing that friendship will get you through any bout of rampant self-absorption. Oh, so this is what happens when you leave Bratz dolls in the sun too long. I’m not gonna get on the consumerism trip. Not here. Not with the crowd that will drop a grand on a mint condition Revenge of the Jedi poster and consider it an investment in the future. A COOL investment in the future. Come on, I’ve been to a sci-fi convention. And once you’ve stood in the dealer room and pondered dropping $45 on the Battlestar Galactica Boardgame you had when you were five years old, you can’t really fault a woman for getting excited about a $600 pair of purple fuzzy pumps that look like they should come with their own stripper pole. I mean, who the fuck am I to judge? But Christ in a bucket people, did we need so many montages of them doing it?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry... but you lost me in your second paragraph of mumbo jumbo rambling.

Anonymous said...

IF you had bothered to watch the series you would have known what to expect in the movie. Get of your soap box and understand that we all have our differances in life and how we view it.

Ralphie said...

I plan to see this movie, but only for the city.

Anonymous said...

Dang, Ralphie that made me laugh.

Anonymous said...

second the second paragraph - mumbo-rambo...

Anonymous said...

I watched the series and enjoyed it. The movie was perhaps the worst movie I've ever seen.

Carol Jean said...

I never watched the series...so naturally was being seduced by the hype....thanks for saving me the time....I know its corny to trust a stranger's opinion....but....strangely...I do....smile
cjEureka
www.cjeurekapodcasts.com

Evan Vaida said...

That's the best review I've seen of the movie. It is a chickflick, but it's a bad chickflick. Sullivan's comment was great, too: "I went to see it last night. It makes The English Patient seem too fast-paced. After an hour (of many), I felt a very rare and very sudden desire to watch a lot of a NASCAR."

calvierude said...

Great movie!!!! The storylines, actors, writers and directors are nothing short of brilliant - this is truly deserves all the success in the world. The fashions are amazing, with full credit going to Pat Field for putting together the most sublime outfits. You can watch this movie from here also, so go ahead and get it now. Download Sex And The City Movie Free