1 hour ago
Friday, March 23, 2007
Although I was quite, um, excited by the new Hanes ad featuring Jennifer Love Hewitt, I've been quite baffled by the new Hanes commercials, prominent during March Madness, featuring Michael Jordan and Kevin Bacon. For one, I didn't know they were friends. Secondly, where are they? In the Hanes members-only Lounge? An in apartment? If so, are we to assume they live together? And what's with Jordan trying to block all of Bacon's shots in the waste paper basket? At least with the Love ad, we knew she was in a photo shoot. Here, with all the stark white walls, we could be in another dimension. Give me a backstory!
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The thing that creeps me out about the Jordan-Bacon commercial, besides the obvious weirdness, is that the guys were clearly shot seperately and sort of spliced together to make it look (poorly) like they were interacting. Just annoying as all get out.
Why doesn't anyone get the genius of these ads? I believe that these spots are the director's interpretation of the afterlife. If you notice, there are no doors in the bleached out room, or phones. Hell is other people when there is no true interaction or engagement. Kevin Bacon is omnipresent, even in the afterlife, representing the modern everyman. His sin is apparently merely existing. Jordan is the demon who torments Kevin in some classic ways of denying him the satisfaction of a tantalizing grape and sending his debris back from the trash can. Kevin will have to keep trying to keep the spotless room clean and feeding himself over and over again for eternity. Kevin's sin seems to be merely existing. The JL Hewitt ad is obviously heaven. The message is clear: facing mortality reveals what is real and essential; not your money, accomplishments, or fancy outerwear, but that which we all are underneath these trappings: a desiring soul and underwear. If undergarments are the products that are closest to what you most are, shouldn't you wear the best (i.e. the most comfortable and uniformly fitting).
It is true, Bacon is in everything and seems the perfect spokesman for what everyone wears, (except certain stars at selective LA clubs). But is his sin simply existing or not having a proper haircut? Or is that his punishment?
I have been following these ads for years and the theme seems to be that Hanes abducts people and places them in a makeshift world that Hanes built for its original spokesman, His Airness. Jordan then shakes his head and raises his eyebrows at these mere mortals (as he did in his fascinating Looney Toons movie) or interacts with and frustrates them. The slogan ("Wait til we get our hanes on you", now "Look who we got our hanes on now") is more of a threat than an invitation. I think it is supposed to be a bit of reverse psychology; Jordan is a god that no one is truly worthy to genuinely interact with or share a spot with. But for his entertainment Hanes brings mere mortals to his lair for him to toy with then discard. Not being worthy, we are supposed to desire to have them get their hanes on us even more. It works for me - it sets a bright and sunny morning mood. I love loafing about in my solid color Hanes outfits on sundays.
I look forward to see who they get their Hanes on next!
Apparently this was part of Hanes' efforts to pitch a new reality show to various networks that would feature various odd couples who would spend the day wearing Hanes and competing in pointless mundane challenges (like big brother or surreal life, but in underwear). I hear the project was pulled because of the major obstacle that Bacon and Jordan really hate each other, from way back. I think the feud really started at some Bulls-76er game where a drunk Kevin taunted MJ every time he came to the line, then loudly took credit for the sixers' win afterward. Jordan has made disparaging remarks about the Bacon Brothers' music ventures to some sports reporters, saying "he says I choked?"
I was very happy to see that these two are now on good terms and living together when the ads first came out (being a big fan of both) when these ads first came out. I guess that's not the case, and I was fooled by some slick editing. Still, I appreciate the people at Hanes letting me dream, if only for 30 seconds of soothing bright clean respite between the convulsions of March madness.
Great ads. I notice something new every time their on too. You should check out their amazing site for more footage (http://www.hanes.com/HanesCommerce/en-us/default.aspx).
These remind me of those great action-packed "tagless" shirt commercials with Jackie Chan they had a few years ago. Remember those - fun ad, and a great shirt (does anyone wear tags anymore?)
Of course, the Damon Wayan spots were pretty funny, despite there being no real dialogue or memorable action. But my favorites so far have to be Christina Applegates' (made me get Hanes for my lady instead of Victoria's Secret last year). I was really looking forward to Marisa Tomei's ad, but they just weren't that intimate or comfortable - perhaps she didn't feel at home on the hereneutic set (Big Ben Kennedy complained that it was very cold (check out Hewitt's ad in HD) and bright, the crew wears microchip suits and won't talk to the talent, which is probably why these tested badly with focus groups and were dropped after a few weeks).
Bacon and Jordan have much better chemistry than Jordan did with that snarky a-hole Matthew Perry. But I wish they'd bring back those Brian Regan spots (classic).
I wear Loom Fruit, cuz it suits my style and like their music, especially "Blue." I respect others' opinions and style, but I just don't get you Hanes people or your weird lifestyles as portrayed on tv. Maybe its a socioeconomic deal - I'm Catholic (Hail Mary) and from a working class family. I just don't feel Hanes is targetting me.
I believe this is a nod to that scene in THX 1138. Bacon and Jordan are obviously being controlled by some devious and distracted mind-agents behind the fourth wall who symbolize the mindless consumer culture that made them. Not bad, but I prefer the Hewitt spot too.
Well, Hanes is definitely targetting me, and let me just say "bull's eye!"
I didn't even recognize who these guys were until about the hundredth time it aired, but I think Jordan is trying to get Bacon to stop being so self-absorbed and get dressed and out of the apartment and get a job so he can enjoy his retirement and have a hooker over or something. By the end it seems like Bacon has finally gotten the message and is ready to get his life back on track. A lot like that new Sandler film, "Reign Over Me" with Don Cheadle, now playing. It's a great story about male-bonding and laughing ourselves through the rough times life throws at us. I wish Jordan was my friend. I'm in such a rut.
Please don't dis the hanes ads. Since his retirement it is the only access most of us have to MJ. Watching him outplay Kevin Bacon and others isn't as thrilling as his time with the Bulls, but it is better than nothing. It is nice to see your heroes are still alive and thriving in some capacity, long after their prime. These are much more satisfying than any sneaker commercial because you feel you are actually just hangin with him and his buds. Sometimes I dream of my dead grandfather and it's a nice warm feeling. I don't need someone pointing out how weird it is that he has a horse's body and is blowing bubbles with bees in them. Good for Michael, I say. I think Mr. Bacon has also earned a right to rest on his laurels for some easy money too. Just shut up, watch it, and let us enjoy our icons enjoying their well-deserved rewards.
Has anyone tried the new boxer-briefs by Jockey? Very comfortable but supprtive. Check it out!
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