Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Bonus Fake Steve Jobs

About Bill "The Beastmaster" Gates:

As for Bill, back in the 80s he was notorious at Comdex in Vegas for hitting on hacks and flacks alike, and he was always out there on the dance floor leaping around like a dirty weirdo. Reports back from women who dated him were either scary or hilarious, depending on your point of view and religious beliefs. Golden showers, donkey punches, the filthy Sanchez. Total nuthouse. Bill didn’t even bother trying to deny it. He told me once, Look, when you can get whatever you want, where’s the thrill? You have to go freaky because it’s the only way to get excited. You need to push the envelope.

Anyway, as it happens I was talking to Bill over the weekend.

He wanted to talk to me about the tablet, because of course the goons at the Borg have seen it and have been using it for a while, and Bill himself has been playing with one and he can totally see how huge it is, and I asked him what he’s been up to and if he ever misses being in the game, and he says no because he’s like on the verge of eliminating malaria from the planet and they’re also getting close to having a vaccine for AIDS and a bunch of other really bad diseases, plus he’s been cutting the infant mortality rate by 50 percent which means he’s saving millions and millions of lives, and he says as much as he loved doing technology it’s just nothing compared to saving people’s lives.

And I was like, Yeah, well, that’s cool too, I guess.

Because honestly I know he’s just so jealous of me right now and I don’t want to rub it in, and we all have to do our best to make Bill feel like what he’s doing is super-duper important. The truth is, come on, what is the point of saving people’s lives if they’re going to live on a dollar a day and never be able to afford even an iPod Shuffle, let alone an iPod Touch or an iPhone?

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