Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Finally, the Sex Cannon Has Come Back to Washington!

Skins Superfans were jazzed enough about the Larry Johnson signing but hold the phone! The new era of responsible management in Washington has continued with the Redskins signing 2 tons of twisted steel and sex appeal--Sexy Rexy Grossman!

Is that Berrian? I think he’s triple-covered. You know what? Fuck it. I’m throwing it downfield.
Yeah, I see Jones open on the flank. But fuck that. Dumpoff passes are for faggots. I’m fucking Sexy Rexy Grossman. I can get that ball in there. And, even if I can’t, I bet I’ll be able to pull it off the next go round. I like throwing the ball long. It makes my dick hard.
What’s that? I should throw a quick slant? Fuck that. That’s gay. Button hook? Gay. Flare out? Gay. Screen pass? Kevin Spacey gay. This is fucking football. You can’t just expect wins to come to you. You can’t massage that shit. You gotta grab that game by the throat and rape the ever-loving shit out of it. You think a 5-yard out is gonna win you a game? You’re a pussy. This ain’t John Shoop running this offense. Sexy Rexy’s got the arm. The dragon. You gotta unleash the dragon.
Okay, I’m throwing it. Nice. Look how far it went. I look good. I bet I made that Pats cheerleader wet her panties with that throw. She fucking wants me. I bet she likes it over a stair railing. I can hit that with 100% accuracy, my dear. Mmmmmm. I am delicious.
Oh shit. Looks like Samuel caught it. Again. Oh well. It still felt fucking great to throw that shit. Tell me that wasn’t one of the prettiest passes you ever saw. You know what? Not only am I gonna throw it long the next time we hit the field. I’m gonna throw it even longer. Harder. You see that kid in wheelchair sitting in the end zone bleachers? I’m gonna nail him right between the fucking eyes with a Sexy Rexy fastball. Why? Because I can.
This is Rex Grossman we’re talking about here. We’re talking 210 lbs. of twisted steel and sex appeal. I’m not just a gunslinger. I’m a cumslinger. Throwing that ball long tells all the Rexettes that I am fucking out there. On the edge. Where I gotta be. The ladies love the danger. The unpredictability. Oh, maybe I’ll tease them with a pretty touch pass every now and again. But then I’m gonna go right back to pumping that ball out for all it’s worth. It tells them I throw like I fuck. That’s how we do things in the sexy business.


Anonymous said...

Laughable coming from an Eagles fan. Want to talk responsible? How about trading for TO? How about signing Mike Vick and giving him millions in guaranteed money so he could play 3rd string QB?
Sexy Rexy is getting no money and it's a 1 year deal to play backup. Get over it.

Nagarajan Sivakumar said...

This is funny AS HELL ! Bears fans need to read this just to remind themselves that if not for this guy Bears would be 2-0 in SB's and Peyton would have been 0-2.

Redskins fans can expect a lot of excitement... from the fans of the opposing team. and if the Skins are going to play the Bears in Soldier Field... thats going to be too much fun.