Pushing the Envelope

What sort of demented minds are at work in the marketing department at drug giant Novartis? First they came up with Digger, the Dermatophyte, who is responsible for toe nail fungus. Television viewers, however, were given the extra-special treat of watching Digger lift up a yellow toe nail and jump in to wreak all sorts of havoc. And only Lamisil can stop it. Thanks for letting us know while we eat our dinner.

But now the folks at Novartis may have topped themselves in a new ad for, ready or not, Chronic Constipation. The ad asks, "Have you been suffering from constipation lasting over 6 months with no known cause?" (If you haven't gone in six months, I would see a doctor. Immediately.)

The only solution, it turns out, is Zelnorm. For those who have this problem, I am thrilled that help is on the way. But the ad itself features people's bloated abdomens, with words printed on them such as "I want help" and "constipation, bloating, straining." Those are the "before" abs. The "after" abs feature more reassuring inscriptions such as "I'm feeling better." Congratulations, Novartis. This has got to be your crowning achievement.