Friday, May 05, 2006

For Santino

Bill Simmons gives us the first round wrap-up, and this gem:
Terrell Owens in the stands wearing a Kobe jersey. Too many jokes ... too many jokes ... head might explode ...

Also, this one:
Dirk Nowitzki. Simply annihilated Pau Gasol in their head-to-head matchup to clinch "Best Foreign Big Man Alive" honors, capped off by a Bird-like 3 to send Game 3 into overtime and pave the way for an eventual Dallas sweep. I like how he added that sneering, Detlef-like German swagger this season; it's pushed him to another level. You can almost imagine Hans Gruber yelling at him to go find John McLane in the Nakatomi building, followed by Dirk calmly saying, "I vill find him," and reloading a massive machine gun.

And finally, this:
Which reminds me, if Kobe doesn't completely eviscerate Bell in Game 7, everyone on the planet is banned from making any more Kobe-MJ comparisons. We all know that MJ would have dropped 55 on Bell, shut down Nash on the other end and disemboweled D'Antoni for good measure. Kobe, if you're going to steal MJ's fist clench/shake from Game 1 of the 1998 Finals without asking, you need to take this all the way. You cannot lose Game 7. You can't. Even if you're playing 4-on-5 and Jax keeps refusing to play Vujacic.


Anonymous said...

My two favorite bits are these, the first especially, since I was wondering why Bavetta didn't have the Lake Show up by about 15 in the fourth. Bitter.

"The NBA. For assigning Dick Bavetta to an obvious Dick Bavetta Game (Suns-Lakers, Game 6), only the visiting Suns pulled it out. Either they're deliberately screwing with us, or Dick Bavetta is so old at this point, he's losing his touch. I vote for the latter. Don't be surprised to find his body floating in Santa Monica tomorrow."

"Living in Hollywood. Which gives me a chance to hear stories like this: During the timeout right before Kobe's game-tying layup in Game 4, the Mamba waited until Jackson was done talking, then went over to Smush Parker, grabbed him by the shoulders in full view of everyone sitting near the bench, then started poking him in the chest while repeatedly screaming, "You steal that ball! You steal that ball! You steal that [bleeping] ball!" Apparently Smush looked terrified, like a 14-year-old minding his own business then was suddenly being ordered to rob a liquor store by the leader of the Crips. But Smush stole the damned ball. And if there was video footage of this moment in the huddle, I think I would pay three grand for it."


Anonymous said...

Pat Riley. In his defense, it's tough to coach an NBA team when you're covered in Stan Van Gundy's blood.

Was I the only one pulling for the Bulls (and now the Nets) just for the sake of Stan "Hedgehog" Van Gundy?