Hole

The Galley House is not big on college football, but we tuned into the Orange Bowl just in time for Kelly Clarkson, Trace Adkins, and Ashleeeeee Simpson's half-time extravaganza.

Simpson's continued success is one of the mysteries of the world, but I was heartened by her performance. It sounded to me like she was out of sync with her backing track for the first half of the number and then, like the backing track was shut off for the second half, leaving her naked, alone, and horribly flat as she caterwauled something that sounded like "lemonade . . . you make me wanna scream."

I sat there, wondering how in the world Ashleeeeee makes money for whatever large corporation bankrolls her art, wondering what audience responds to "lemonade." But then Ashleeeeee finished, and the stadium, which had been politely silent following Clarkson and Adkins, erupted into loud, angry boos. And this is in Miami--not Philadelphia. The look on Simpson's face was priceless and said, approximately, "Daddy . . . Daddy! Please kill these motherfuckers?" Even her crepe paper tail-feathers sagged.

We shall be eagerly monitoring the message boards on AshleeSimpson.com.

Update: There are no more message boards on AshleeSimpson.com! It seems that after her Saturday Night Live meltdown her site underwent a dramatic redesign--which quite coincidentally eliminated the messageboards that had become a forum for cruel, cruel Ashleeeeee-baiting.