Thursday, April 28, 2005

Jobs for Day

Kathy, the Cake Eating Editrix, has tagged me with a meme, the idea of which is to pick five professions from a list and say what you would do in them. My vanity knows no bounds and I'm never going to be tapped for the Proust Questionaire, so why not give it a whirl. Readers who are more clever than I am are invited to post their own answers:

If I could be an athlete. . . I'd lead the Sixers to the NBA Finals by providing Answer the silky-smooth, turnover-free, defensive-minded point guard he's never had. In the NBA Finals we would, of course, lose to the Lakers. Just because this is a fantasy doesn't mean that I get to ignore immutable laws of nature.

If I could be a writer. . . I'd be David Grann. Or Andy Ferguson. Either would suffice.

If I could be a scientist. . . I'd prove the existence of enough dimensions to support String Theory.

If I could be a librarian. . . Giles. Natch.

If I could be a professor. . . I'd teach a course on biochemistry in a manner that's actually engaging. (Easier than it sounds.) I'd begin each semester by announcing that everyone was going to get A's and that people not interested in the actual material needn't bother showing up. Then, at the end of the semester, I'd fail the grade-grubbers who'd been cutting. You can only pull that trick once, but boy, would it be worth it.

Here's the complete list to choose from:
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...
If I could be a proctologist...

I pass the meme on to the Law Jedi and Erasmus.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

"If I could be a proctologist..."

I'd see what Andrew Sullivan is hiding.

Anonymous said...

Argh! Done, damn your eyes, Last!

ER

Kathleen Nelson said...

I'm so surprised. I figured you'd blow it right off.

Well done!

craig said...

If I could be a scientist...

I’d have wild hair and a basement lab.

If I could be a farmer...

I’d grow mushrooms. The really good kind. What’re they called? Morels?

If I could be a musician...

I’d be Tesh but in an edgier more Mainheim Steamroller kinda way

If I could be a doctor...

I wouldn’t be a proctologist

If I could be a painter...

I’d be Lucas Cranach, the elder… no wait, the younger. No, the elder. Yeah, the elder.

If I could be a gardner...

I’d be Brother Dave

If I could be a missionary...

An under rated position, I must say. I’d go to Hollywood and convert actresses to Scientology

If I could be a chef...

I’d go to Hollywood and convert waitresses to Scientology

If I could be an architect...

I’ve always wanted to pretend to be an architect…

If I could be a linguist...

I’d be cunning-- and tenured.

If I could be a psychologist...

I’d be Niles Crane

If I could be a librarian...

I’d wear a lot of polyester and not pay very close attention to personal hygiene, so nothing would change.

If I could be an athlete...

I’d be Dwight Evans, but this time we’d win the series in 75 and 86.

If I could be a lawyer...

I’d be a law professor and start a blog-- a niche crying out to be filled.

If I could be an innkeeper...

I’d find a room for Joe and Mary, if they could prove they’re married, of course.

If I could be a professor...

I’d teach military history at Wellesley.

If I could be a writer...

I’d be Elmore Leonard

If I could be a backup dancer...

My grandpa taught me never to backup.

If I could be a llama-rider...

My grandma taught me never to ride llamas--by example

If I could be a bonnie pirate...

I’d be Henry Morgan. (can a welsh pirate be bonnie?)

If I could be a midget stripper...

What is the point of stripping midgets?

If I could be a proctologist...

I’d focus on fundamentals

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