It Wasn't Called Joey's Creek, Was It?

Poor James Van Der Beek. I mean, really, can you imagine? He stars in Angus, gets a TV show centered around him, eats the whipped-cream bikini, even does the scary, toss-off, art-house film to turn serious . . .

But noooooo, you don't see Tom Cruise proposing to him, do you?

When he stumbled out of his shopping-cart tent this morning under the Figaroa Street overpass and heard the news, he must have gone all kinds of crazy.

Update, 3:45 p.m.: You don't see this nugget attached to most of the wire stories:

Holmes, who claims to be a virgin, was formerly engaged to 'American Pie' actor Chris Klein but spilt from him in March after five years. [emphasis added]

Where is The Superficial when we need him most?