Monday, October 22, 2007

Die Boston Die

Perhaps the greatest anti-Boston rap ever composed:

10. Bitch about the Boston accents in any film or TV show. “Yeah, ‘The Depahted’ was fackin’ great, but they don’t talk like that in fackin’ REVEEEEAH!!!!!” Yes, no film could ever accurately depict just how real, how fierce your hardscrabble Newton upbringing was.

11. Adopt the attitude that you, yes you, DESERVE this success. “Hey, we Pats fans know how it used to be back in the day. We earned these titles.” Don’t treat your team’s good fortune as the stroke of good fortune it happens to be. No, no, no. Your championship has to be deeper then someone else’s championship. It has to mean something more. Why? Because you fancy yourself as being introspective. Cockgobbler. Treat it like some sort of karmic reward for Len Bias dying, or some other twisted, idiotic explanation.

Quasi-secret admission: I really like the Red Sox and I find this Patriots team to be one of the most aesthetically pleasing bits of football product ever made. With the Eagles in self-destruct mode, the Pats are the only other team that gives me any pleasure to watch.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Last, looks like things worked out all right for Tito and the Sox after all. Next up: The Rockies. I give it five games, tops, before the Series trophy is property of the Red Sox Nation.

I know that in the past I've compared the Rockies -- i.e., the best National League team -- to a really good softball team. But I'm starting to have second thoughts. I mean, if the Sox were playing the softball all-pros, at least I'd get to watch Jennie Finch. But instead I'll have to watch a National League team. Advantage: Jennie Finch and Friends.

Sox in five, my friends. Sox in five.