Monday, December 20, 2004

Bullpen, Second Issue

I touted the first issue of this corporate newsletter parody a couple weeks ago. Since then, the editor's been contacted by the Wall Street Journal, wanting to know who's doing the scribbling. The editor, it turns out, is a friend of mine, but I gather he's being coy about his identity, so for now it's safe with me. Anyway here's a clip from the second issue.

Headline: Engagement Used as Excuse to Announce New Job in Alumni Magazine

New York - Penn alumnus Ryan Hathaway (W '01) used his recent engagement to Karen Anson (C'00, L'03) as his excuse to detail his many job successes in the Penn alumni magazine The Pennsylvania Gazette, Hathaway reported Monday.

"I've been dying to let everyone I didn't know at Penn that I've recently moved to an elite long-short hedge fund after two successful years as an analyst in JB Morgan's number one ranked M&A group," Hathaway stated. "Thank God Karen said yes to my proposal, because the last thing I'd want to do is look obnoxious by just sending in my accomplishments and nothing else to go with it."

Hathaway and Anson have yet to set a date for their wedding because Hathaway needs to get a "better sense" of how long it is going to take to become partner at his fund. "I would really like to tie our wedding day announcement ot a big promotion," Hathaway noted. "If it take three years to make partner, then Karen will just have to wait three years to get married."

In case you'd like to subscribe, it's being offered free. Drop my anonymous friend an email at thebullpenreport[at] Warning: The Bullpen ocasionally indulges in crude humor, but nothing beyond the pale of, say, Victorino Matus.

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