Wednesday's Onion is a classic. The paper reports on a "new" reality show on Animal Planet called The Zoo, "in which members of a diverse, all-animal cast square off in a single 3,200-square-foot home in the San Fernando Valley."

Reports the show's creator: "We see an immediate alliance develop between the lowland gorilla and the bison, who work together to smash a hole through a wall."

Also: "Animal Planet sources say the house, which is equipped with the latest in modern convenience, including a hot tub, a flat-screen TV, and a pool table, quickly fills with feces during the premiere episode."

If only...