12 hours ago
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Hey mama, make that pumpkin pie!
The great Robert Goulet is in critical condition, having recently been diagnosed with interstitial pulmonary fibrosis. He is currently in Cedars-Sinai awaiting a lung transplant and we can only hope for the best. But in the meantime, check out Goulet's website, particularly the clips for his old ESPN promos for college basketball: "The only thing more dramatic than my hairdresser Ricardo is a game-winning three-pointer on ESPN!" Also: "When it comes to live entertainment, you got dinner theater, that performance-art hippie crap, and NC-2A basketball on ESPN!"
Justice League News
Lots of updates today, on Jessica Biel not playing Wonder Woman; on Barry Allen vs. Wally West as Flash; and on a possible casting choice for Superman.
That's all fine, but what I want to know is this:
Who's playing Gleek? Because if they try to CGI him, this movie is going to be lame. CGI space monkeys never work.
That's all fine, but what I want to know is this:
Who's playing Gleek? Because if they try to CGI him, this movie is going to be lame. CGI space monkeys never work.
Can This Possibly Be True?
I lean toward "no," because this is the sort of routine that only movie villains go to the trouble of concocting:
Copperfield designed part of his show around "a system for picking up women." During his show, David goes into the audience and chooses women to come on stage. We're told that if David likes a girl, he'll use code words with assistants like "mama" and "secrecy." The assistants mark the women on a map of the inside of the Hollywood Theater at MGM Grand. After the show, the women are brought backstage -- and that's where the profiling begins.
The women are told that David may use them in his show when he comes to their hometown. They are then photographed with a digital camera, asked questions like, "What is your favorite men's cologne?" and "Where do you like to vacation?" We're told one of those vacation spots mentioned by staff is the Bahamas, where the accuser claims she was assaulted. Copperfield owns a cluster of islands in the Bahamas -- which he bought for $50 million.
This may explain the FBI's interest in David's camera system and hard drive. If the accuser is a woman who was brought on stage, the FBI would be interested in a possible M.O.
Who Is, "Your Mother," Trebek?
After a huge upset victory over a three-day champ, Galley Friend Nick Swezey won his second appearance on Jeopardy! last night. It was a tough battle, but Swezey pulled it out with a Final Jeopardy question on geometry. Well played!
Trailer City
New trailers for both Rambo and I Am Legend and, amazingly, both are heavy on interesting, lonely atmospherics.
I'm totally almost fooled.
I'm totally almost fooled.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
I'll take The Rapists for $500
Congratulations to our Weekly Standard colleague Nicholas Swezey, who appeared on Jeopardy! last night and won. The category was "B.C. Quotes" and the question (or answer) was from which work is the following quote taken: "Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win."
Nick answered correctly with Sun Tzu's The Art of War and successfully outbid the reigning champ. Nick continues his quest on tonight's show, so stay tuned. The Galley Slaves wish him well and no, we really don't know how well he does, owing to a nondisclosure agreement. In unrelated news, Nick recently purchased a Maserati Quattroporte Executive GT sedan.
Kidding.
Nick answered correctly with Sun Tzu's The Art of War and successfully outbid the reigning champ. Nick continues his quest on tonight's show, so stay tuned. The Galley Slaves wish him well and no, we really don't know how well he does, owing to a nondisclosure agreement. In unrelated news, Nick recently purchased a Maserati Quattroporte Executive GT sedan.
Kidding.
Bionic Change
I wonder whether or not it's fair to render judgment on Bionic Woman. The show's numbers are holding up pretty well and, four episodes in, we have at least some sense of what the show is. And while that could change, what it is right now is pretty unappealing.
Bionic Woman has all sorts of problems. Some of them, like the tacked on little-sister storyline, are understandable. Some of them, like the underwritten and not-terribly-charismatic lead, are structural. And some of them--like the incompetent editing, poor scoring, and laughable f/x--are incomprehensible. (Battlestar Galactica and Heroes have raised the bar to point where there just shouldn't be any compromises made in f/x on TV.)
That last category of problems is readily fixable given a talented, engaged showrunner. Some of the other problems are less easily fixed.
Take the lead, Jaime Sommers: As written, Sommers vacillates widely, from naïve over-achiever, to hardened bad-ass, to dim, struggling parental surrogate. Who is she really? So many shows have grappled with strong female leads in recent years—Buffy, Karen Sisco, Alias, Veronica Mars—that if you can’t get this basic characterization right, then you might was well fold up shop.
Instead, with Sommers, we get a muddled mess. We’re told that she was bright enough to go to Harvard, but she’s always seven steps behind everyone else in thinking through problems.
The “Harvard” backstory is indicative of the series’ overall tell-don’t-show approach. Instead of showing us a brilliant girl mysteriously trapped in a dead-end bartending job, the writers tell us that she got into Harvard—the broadest possible shorthand for “smart”—as if this information releases them from the need to show Sommers acting with any striking intelligence.
Tell-don’t-show is always annoying, but it can be fatal if it prevents the characters from earning payoffs.
That’s the biggest problem with Bionic Woman. Jaime Sommers went from innocent (but secretly special) bystander to human weapon in the pilot. That episode concluded with her menacingly telling Miguel Ferrer’s character to stay away from her because she “knew what she was capable of” now and that if he sent people after her, she’d “bury them one after another.”
I was kind of thrilled to see this dark tone; the sentiment—a bionic woman who’s a reluctant killing machine—is intriguing. But none of her transformation was earned: She’d had one short fist fight. She actually had no idea what she was capable of; it was never clear that she was cold-blooded enough to take a life.
The pernicious problem with lazy character writing is that it undermines and makes ridiculous even sound plotting that takes the tone of a series in the right direction. This is everywhere on display in Bionic Woman.
(I’m sure no one else is bothered by this, but I also don’t get the crypto political references to “Halliburton” or “Hillary Clinton.” It’s as if the writers are trying to signal some ideological leaning in what they think is the most obvious code in the world, but it comes across as non sequitor. Have we reached the point where all you have to do is have a character say “I’ll call Halliburton”—out of nowhere—and audiences are supposed to think that he’s a scary man who puts ends above means?)
The one bright spot has been the prototype bionic woman, Sarah Corvus. She’s all motivation, and it’s both reasonably consistent and quite interesting: Corvus became bionic, lost control, and started killing people. She didn’t really mean to, it seems, but she thought the source of her weakness was her remaining human parts, so she started giving herself more bionics. Now, it seems that her bionics may be killing her. And she doesn’t want to die. (This is all way more engrossing than the Jaime Sommers storyline, but it doesn’t hurt that Corvus actually gets clever dialogue and is played by Katee Sackhoff, who’s the most interesting actor on the show.)
The simple solution would be to make a radical switch: turn the show into Sarah Corvus: Bionic Woman and move Jaime Sommers to the backburner. Obviously, that won’t happen. But I wish something drastic would.
Bionic Woman has all sorts of problems. Some of them, like the tacked on little-sister storyline, are understandable. Some of them, like the underwritten and not-terribly-charismatic lead, are structural. And some of them--like the incompetent editing, poor scoring, and laughable f/x--are incomprehensible. (Battlestar Galactica and Heroes have raised the bar to point where there just shouldn't be any compromises made in f/x on TV.)
That last category of problems is readily fixable given a talented, engaged showrunner. Some of the other problems are less easily fixed.
Take the lead, Jaime Sommers: As written, Sommers vacillates widely, from naïve over-achiever, to hardened bad-ass, to dim, struggling parental surrogate. Who is she really? So many shows have grappled with strong female leads in recent years—Buffy, Karen Sisco, Alias, Veronica Mars—that if you can’t get this basic characterization right, then you might was well fold up shop.
Instead, with Sommers, we get a muddled mess. We’re told that she was bright enough to go to Harvard, but she’s always seven steps behind everyone else in thinking through problems.
The “Harvard” backstory is indicative of the series’ overall tell-don’t-show approach. Instead of showing us a brilliant girl mysteriously trapped in a dead-end bartending job, the writers tell us that she got into Harvard—the broadest possible shorthand for “smart”—as if this information releases them from the need to show Sommers acting with any striking intelligence.
Tell-don’t-show is always annoying, but it can be fatal if it prevents the characters from earning payoffs.
That’s the biggest problem with Bionic Woman. Jaime Sommers went from innocent (but secretly special) bystander to human weapon in the pilot. That episode concluded with her menacingly telling Miguel Ferrer’s character to stay away from her because she “knew what she was capable of” now and that if he sent people after her, she’d “bury them one after another.”
I was kind of thrilled to see this dark tone; the sentiment—a bionic woman who’s a reluctant killing machine—is intriguing. But none of her transformation was earned: She’d had one short fist fight. She actually had no idea what she was capable of; it was never clear that she was cold-blooded enough to take a life.
The pernicious problem with lazy character writing is that it undermines and makes ridiculous even sound plotting that takes the tone of a series in the right direction. This is everywhere on display in Bionic Woman.
(I’m sure no one else is bothered by this, but I also don’t get the crypto political references to “Halliburton” or “Hillary Clinton.” It’s as if the writers are trying to signal some ideological leaning in what they think is the most obvious code in the world, but it comes across as non sequitor. Have we reached the point where all you have to do is have a character say “I’ll call Halliburton”—out of nowhere—and audiences are supposed to think that he’s a scary man who puts ends above means?)
The one bright spot has been the prototype bionic woman, Sarah Corvus. She’s all motivation, and it’s both reasonably consistent and quite interesting: Corvus became bionic, lost control, and started killing people. She didn’t really mean to, it seems, but she thought the source of her weakness was her remaining human parts, so she started giving herself more bionics. Now, it seems that her bionics may be killing her. And she doesn’t want to die. (This is all way more engrossing than the Jaime Sommers storyline, but it doesn’t hurt that Corvus actually gets clever dialogue and is played by Katee Sackhoff, who’s the most interesting actor on the show.)
The simple solution would be to make a radical switch: turn the show into Sarah Corvus: Bionic Woman and move Jaime Sommers to the backburner. Obviously, that won’t happen. But I wish something drastic would.
"First Orgy After Brian's Death Very Solemn"
From the Onion:
I don't even quite know what that means. But it's awesome.
"Nobody knew Brian like we did—not his parents, not his brother, not even his wife," fuck-fiend Rebecca Baker said. "After all, Brian was more than just a guy who sometimes strapped on a jelly dong and did you from the side."
I don't even quite know what that means. But it's awesome.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Die Boston Die
Perhaps the greatest anti-Boston rap ever composed:
Quasi-secret admission: I really like the Red Sox and I find this Patriots team to be one of the most aesthetically pleasing bits of football product ever made. With the Eagles in self-destruct mode, the Pats are the only other team that gives me any pleasure to watch.
10. Bitch about the Boston accents in any film or TV show. “Yeah, ‘The Depahted’ was fackin’ great, but they don’t talk like that in fackin’ REVEEEEAH!!!!!” Yes, no film could ever accurately depict just how real, how fierce your hardscrabble Newton upbringing was.
11. Adopt the attitude that you, yes you, DESERVE this success. “Hey, we Pats fans know how it used to be back in the day. We earned these titles.” Don’t treat your team’s good fortune as the stroke of good fortune it happens to be. No, no, no. Your championship has to be deeper then someone else’s championship. It has to mean something more. Why? Because you fancy yourself as being introspective. Cockgobbler. Treat it like some sort of karmic reward for Len Bias dying, or some other twisted, idiotic explanation.
Quasi-secret admission: I really like the Red Sox and I find this Patriots team to be one of the most aesthetically pleasing bits of football product ever made. With the Eagles in self-destruct mode, the Pats are the only other team that gives me any pleasure to watch.
The Middle of the Beginning of the End: Updated
I confess to always being secretly conflicted about Andy Reid. He's not a very good in-game coach, but he seems to have a real talent for managing the week leading up to the game and particularly for keeping a cool head and his teams together when trouble hits. It's a zen thing he's got going on, a little like Phil Jackson, only without Tex Winter there to actually do X's and O's for him.
But since he first did his ridiculous public insisting that Doug Pederson was the future of the Eagles, I've been wary of him. He has a tendency to lie and worse, to treat the sports media with some contempt. At some level I get both of these things: (1) His job is to protect the psyches of his players so they can win games; (2) The media don't help him win games, so why be nice or candid with them?
Yet it seems to me that while there may not be an affirmative duty to be gracious or candid with reporters (and by extension with the fans), as a professional there is some minimal duty not to actively insist on things which you, and everyone else, know not to be true. Maybe that's asking too much. But at the end of the day, shouldn't there be some acknowledgment that being a head coach is just a job, like being a beat reporter, and that all of us working stiffs generally should treat each other decently, at least so long as it doesn't cost us anything?
So while I want the Eagles to win, there's a silver lining in this disastrous season seeing Reid come a little unglued. From Phil Sheridan:
A perfect example of how Capt. Andy can behave like a jerk. He doesn't have to answer that question with serious introspection. He needn't even concede the obvious if he believes that it's important to stand by his team. He could politely side-step the question with normal sports pablum about one-game-at-a-time, keep our focus, don't get ahead of ourselves, we're a good team that's caught some bad breaks, etc. (He could even have given a stat or two about 2-4 teams that have gone on to make the playoffs; it happens.)
But instead, he refuses to even acknowledge what is a perfectly fair question from a bunch of guys who are just doing their jobs.
Moments like these are why I won't cry when Reid leaves town.
Update: Galley Friend T.R. writes in:
But since he first did his ridiculous public insisting that Doug Pederson was the future of the Eagles, I've been wary of him. He has a tendency to lie and worse, to treat the sports media with some contempt. At some level I get both of these things: (1) His job is to protect the psyches of his players so they can win games; (2) The media don't help him win games, so why be nice or candid with them?
Yet it seems to me that while there may not be an affirmative duty to be gracious or candid with reporters (and by extension with the fans), as a professional there is some minimal duty not to actively insist on things which you, and everyone else, know not to be true. Maybe that's asking too much. But at the end of the day, shouldn't there be some acknowledgment that being a head coach is just a job, like being a beat reporter, and that all of us working stiffs generally should treat each other decently, at least so long as it doesn't cost us anything?
So while I want the Eagles to win, there's a silver lining in this disastrous season seeing Reid come a little unglued. From Phil Sheridan:
In his postgame news conference, Eagles coach Andy Reid treated the assembled reporters as if they had called plays in the red zone for him. Reid, who promised to provide answers to his offensive woes after last week's ugly win over the Jets, had none for the cameras and microphones.
Asked whether the Eagles' season is in peril, Reid seethed, "I'll take the next question."
A perfect example of how Capt. Andy can behave like a jerk. He doesn't have to answer that question with serious introspection. He needn't even concede the obvious if he believes that it's important to stand by his team. He could politely side-step the question with normal sports pablum about one-game-at-a-time, keep our focus, don't get ahead of ourselves, we're a good team that's caught some bad breaks, etc. (He could even have given a stat or two about 2-4 teams that have gone on to make the playoffs; it happens.)
But instead, he refuses to even acknowledge what is a perfectly fair question from a bunch of guys who are just doing their jobs.
Moments like these are why I won't cry when Reid leaves town.
Update: Galley Friend T.R. writes in:
This morning I received an email from my brother-in-law, perhaps the most heretofore die-hard Eagles fan I know (and I know some really quite sick and damaged ones). This is the kind of guy who drives hours just to get in radio range and sit and listen in his car.
Now he has stopped watching, not because of the losing, but because of the tiresome contempt A.R. shows for . . . all of us.
It used to make me crazy when the Eagles went to the shotgun on first-and-10 with a lead. Then it made me wry. Now it makes me a little sad.
In terms of his offense, I always thought that eventually either reality would catch up to Reid, or he would catch up to reality. But now I know that neither of those things will happen. Who else has adopted this scheme? What winners are trying to emulate the Eagles? Not even his only “disciple” in the league, Childress. And what evidence would it take--now, COULD it take--for him to balance the offense? There is none, and there won’t be.
This might take a while to play out. And it could be painful to watch.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Pats = Slightly Evil?
I found this on the internet, so I'm just assuming it's true. Here's Dan Shanoff's report on more Patriots front-office machinations:
Next up: Kraft and Belichik dissolve the Senate and raise an army of clones.
In a move far more insidious than spying on the football field, the Pats will get the names of their season-ticket-holding fans who (re-)sold their tickets on StubHub (presumably to punish them for not letting the team re-sell them).
I'm no fan of price-gouging (or the ticket brokers who mostly engage in it), but I'm even less of a fan of a team's invasions of privacy against its fan base.
Next up: Kraft and Belichik dissolve the Senate and raise an army of clones.
Sony Style
Good news! Sony is bringing the 40 GB model of the PS3 to America and cutting the price of its 80 GB model from $600 to $500. For those of you keeping score at home, that's the fourth change in price and configuration in about a year. Oh, and the 40 GB version isn't backward compatible with PS2 games. Why? Here's Sony's Jack Tretton to explain:
“We're choosing to focus on the PlayStation 2 consumer with the PlayStation 2, which remains incredibly relevant, and focus on the PlayStation 3 consumer with the new 40GB model and the great software coming out."
I'll let you work the translation.
In totally unrelated news, Sony is selling 60 percent of the production facilities it built just a short while ago to make the Cell 3 processor chip used in the PS3.
“We're choosing to focus on the PlayStation 2 consumer with the PlayStation 2, which remains incredibly relevant, and focus on the PlayStation 3 consumer with the new 40GB model and the great software coming out."
I'll let you work the translation.
In totally unrelated news, Sony is selling 60 percent of the production facilities it built just a short while ago to make the Cell 3 processor chip used in the PS3.
The Fox NFL Robot
You know who I'm talking about. Turns out the strange gimmick has a small following.
He's even got his own action figure. Weird.
He's even got his own action figure. Weird.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Tyler Perry: A Big, Bright, Shining Star
The great William Goldman defines a movie star as an actor who can generate a big opening weekend gross. After the opening weekend, word of mouth can sink or lift a movie, but for that first weekend it's most often the star that puts people in the seats.
Using this definition Goldman posited in the mid-'90s that Jim Carrey was the biggest star in Hollywood--as opposed to, say, Mel Gibson or Harrison Ford or Bruce Willis--because he was able to generate big opening weekends for movies that, without his presence, would have barely registered a blip. Goldman believed that Adam Sandler succeeded Carrey as Hollywood's biggest star for the same reason in the mid- to late-'90s.
I'd posit for discussion that Tyler Perry might be on the verge of becoming a giant movie star, maybe the biggest in Hollywood. Last weekend his Why Did I Get Married? opened to $21.3M. It was his third-consecutive #1 opening. The other two movies opened to $21.9M and $30M. None of these films opened in more than 2,200 theaters.
To give some perspective, here are Carrey's early opening-weekend successes, with their theater counts:
12/16/94 Dumb and Dumber $16,363,442 2,447
07/29/94 The Mask $23,117,068 2,360
02/04/94 Ace Ventura $12,115,105 1,750
Here's Sandler's:
2/13/98 The Wedding Singer $18,865,080 2,821
2/16/96 Happy Gilmore $8,514,125 2,022
2/10/95 Billy Madison $6,639,080 1,834
And here's Perry's:
10/12/07 Why Did I Get Married $21,353,789 2,011
02/24/06 Madea's Family Reunion $30,030,661 2,194
02/25/05 Diary of a Mad . . . $21,905,089 1,483
If anything, I'd say that Perry's short run is even more impressive given that his budgets are a fraction of even what Carrey and Sandler's cheap movies cost and while I don't have the numbers on it, I'd bet Perry's studio, LGF, spent less money on advertising support. Probably a lot less.
Perry's have a great run. It'll be interesting to see what happens for him next.
Using this definition Goldman posited in the mid-'90s that Jim Carrey was the biggest star in Hollywood--as opposed to, say, Mel Gibson or Harrison Ford or Bruce Willis--because he was able to generate big opening weekends for movies that, without his presence, would have barely registered a blip. Goldman believed that Adam Sandler succeeded Carrey as Hollywood's biggest star for the same reason in the mid- to late-'90s.
I'd posit for discussion that Tyler Perry might be on the verge of becoming a giant movie star, maybe the biggest in Hollywood. Last weekend his Why Did I Get Married? opened to $21.3M. It was his third-consecutive #1 opening. The other two movies opened to $21.9M and $30M. None of these films opened in more than 2,200 theaters.
To give some perspective, here are Carrey's early opening-weekend successes, with their theater counts:
12/16/94 Dumb and Dumber $16,363,442 2,447
07/29/94 The Mask $23,117,068 2,360
02/04/94 Ace Ventura $12,115,105 1,750
Here's Sandler's:
2/13/98 The Wedding Singer $18,865,080 2,821
2/16/96 Happy Gilmore $8,514,125 2,022
2/10/95 Billy Madison $6,639,080 1,834
And here's Perry's:
10/12/07 Why Did I Get Married $21,353,789 2,011
02/24/06 Madea's Family Reunion $30,030,661 2,194
02/25/05 Diary of a Mad . . . $21,905,089 1,483
If anything, I'd say that Perry's short run is even more impressive given that his budgets are a fraction of even what Carrey and Sandler's cheap movies cost and while I don't have the numbers on it, I'd bet Perry's studio, LGF, spent less money on advertising support. Probably a lot less.
Perry's have a great run. It'll be interesting to see what happens for him next.
The Matchless Genius of Matt Labash
If you didn't go yesterday, you're only hurting yourself, baby. Today Labash mounts a credible case for theism based on Angie Harmon.
So hot.
So hot.
More on the Rox
Dan McLaughlin antes up and gives us a really excellent discussion of the Rockies' streak by delving into Rob Neyer and Eddie Epstein's book Baseball Dynasties, which has a list of the ten greatest stretch runs of all time.
I don't want to spoil his conclusions, so go read it. It's great stuff.
I don't want to spoil his conclusions, so go read it. It's great stuff.
A Very Wookie Christmas
Pursuant to my question yesterday about the strange clip of Han Solo in the Wilhelm scream compilation, Galley Reader P.G. sends us this, the lost Star Wars Holiday Special:
People will have their own opinions, but for me the worst moment was Carrie Fisher's musical number, which managed to not only be terrible on its own terms, but to bastardize part of the original John Williams score, too.
The best moment, oddly, is the plug for the toys at the end. God, I loved the landspeeder and the X-Wing. And, I don't want to brag or anything, but I had the AT-AT. Yeah, that's right. Thanks mom!
People will have their own opinions, but for me the worst moment was Carrie Fisher's musical number, which managed to not only be terrible on its own terms, but to bastardize part of the original John Williams score, too.
The best moment, oddly, is the plug for the toys at the end. God, I loved the landspeeder and the X-Wing. And, I don't want to brag or anything, but I had the AT-AT. Yeah, that's right. Thanks mom!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The Wilhelm Scream
ABC News has a great story on the Wilhelm Scream:
AICN now has a couple of compilations of Wilhelm screams from movies ranging from Star Wars to Howard the Duck.
Update: Okay, here's one of the compilations, but it has one clip in it that has me completely mystified, at the 1:37 mark:
That's Harrison Ford and Chewbacca, and a real Storm Trooper, but I have no idea where that scene is from. Some lost TV special, maybe?
Help me, readers, you're my only hope . . .
The scream was recorded in 1951 for "Distant Drums," a western directed by Raoul Walsh and starring Gary Cooper as a captain who leads a group of soldiers on a mission to defend 19th century Florida settlers from Seminole Indians.
During one scene, a soldier is bitten and dragged underwater by an alligator and he screams the whole way down. The soldier may have died, but a new star was born.
After "Distant Drums," the scream stayed quiet for a couple of years until 1953, when a soldier named Pvt. Wilhelm (played by Ralph Brooks in "The Charge at Feather River") got shot in the leg by an arrow. Sound editors needed a good scream and decided to reuse the one from "Distant Drums."
AICN now has a couple of compilations of Wilhelm screams from movies ranging from Star Wars to Howard the Duck.
Update: Okay, here's one of the compilations, but it has one clip in it that has me completely mystified, at the 1:37 mark:
That's Harrison Ford and Chewbacca, and a real Storm Trooper, but I have no idea where that scene is from. Some lost TV special, maybe?
Help me, readers, you're my only hope . . .
The Rockies, In Context
Mike Carminati runs the numbers, and they're pretty impressive.
Meanwhile, Philly sportswriter Todd Zolecki reports on the Phil's minor league prospects, who are playing fall ball:
Awesome. Some day all of this will be ours!
Bonus: 10 strikeouts in 17 at-bats? He'll fit right in with this Phillies roster. Only girls work the count.
Meanwhile, Philly sportswriter Todd Zolecki reports on the Phil's minor league prospects, who are playing fall ball:
Click here to see how some Phillies prospects are performing in the Arizona Fall League. Third baseman Mike Costanzo is hitting .059 with 10 strikeouts in 17 at-bats.
Awesome. Some day all of this will be ours!
Bonus: 10 strikeouts in 17 at-bats? He'll fit right in with this Phillies roster. Only girls work the count.
Sox Baiting
Some fodder for Red Sox Nation (I'm looking at you, A.W.):
When you give up 7+ runs a game, that's on your pitching staff. But when you give up 7 runs in an inning, twice, isn't that on the manager? You can't blame a manager if his team gives up, say, 4 runs at a time. But isn't his job to keep a firm enough grasp on the game, the opposing lineup, and his bullpen, to be able to hold keep the bleeding from becoming a hemorrhage? Particularly in the playoffs?
When you give up 7+ runs a game, that's on your pitching staff. But when you give up 7 runs in an inning, twice, isn't that on the manager? You can't blame a manager if his team gives up, say, 4 runs at a time. But isn't his job to keep a firm enough grasp on the game, the opposing lineup, and his bullpen, to be able to hold keep the bleeding from becoming a hemorrhage? Particularly in the playoffs?
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Your Song
Bill Wyman, the music critic (and not of the Rolling Stones), has finally found a way to measure the level of a musician's selling out, à la Moby's Play (in which every track on the album was sold to an advertiser). In fact, Wyman calls this formula "The Moby Quotient." As you will see, pop stars like Kelly Clarkson score low (a good thing) because of factors like "sacredness," "origins," and "reputation," whereas the Clash and the Ramones score rather high. Wyman refers us to a Nissan commercial, "which wanted consumers to understand that, if you owned an SUV, you could drive places. To underline the point, the commercial broke into the Ramones, who sang, 'Hey! Ho! Let's go!' That's the famous break from the punk rockers' 'Blitzkrieg Bop,' a heartfelt ode to pogoing to the beat of a Nazi military assault." Adds the author, "Well, at least it wasn't a Volkswagen ad."
Sadly, Wyman fails to mention my favorite instance, EMF's "You're Unbelievable," which then became "You're Crumbelievable."
Sadly, Wyman fails to mention my favorite instance, EMF's "You're Unbelievable," which then became "You're Crumbelievable."
The Worst Job in America
I used to think it belonged to the cop who was running the sting on Larry Craig, but now I'm not so sure.
Over the weekend I pulled out the 1996 Doug McGrath-helmed, Emma, which stars the young Gwyneth Paltrow. It's not a great movie, but it's fun, and it's Austen, and it's probably Paltrow's best performance. Anyway, while gazing at the DVD case, I noticed for the first time how the film is plugged on the back:
Having to write that copy surely qualifies as the worst job in America.
Over the weekend I pulled out the 1996 Doug McGrath-helmed, Emma, which stars the young Gwyneth Paltrow. It's not a great movie, but it's fun, and it's Austen, and it's probably Paltrow's best performance. Anyway, while gazing at the DVD case, I noticed for the first time how the film is plugged on the back:
This delightfully fun and lighthearted comedy is based on the story that inspired the hit movie Clueless! Dazzling Gwyneth Paltrow (The Perfect Murder) shines as Emma--a mischievous young beauty who sets up her single friends. Funny thing is . . . she's not very good at it! So when Emma tries to find a man for Harriet (Toni Collette--Muriel's Wedding), she makes a hilariously tangled mess of everyone's lives. You'll enjoy all the comic confusion . . . until Emma herself falls in love, finally freeing everyone from her outrageously misguided attempts at matchmaking!
Having to write that copy surely qualifies as the worst job in America.
There's only one Rocktober!
The Baseball Crank has a little bit on the Rockies' impossible run, but I'd like to see more from him. Do the Rockies need to win the World Series, or does what they've done already count as the greatest streak in baseball history?
Bonus: Can we now get the idiots at ESPN (particularly Golic and Greenberg) to stop mouthing the mantra that "momentum is tomorrow's starting pitching"?
Bonus: Can we now get the idiots at ESPN (particularly Golic and Greenberg) to stop mouthing the mantra that "momentum is tomorrow's starting pitching"?
Guilt By Association?
In the course of Slatester Tim Noah's attack on Chris DeMuth and AEI, he attempts to tar the Weekly Standard by noting:
This might be the laziest attempt at short-hand I've ever seen. You know what other print publication used to have an office in the AEI building? Slate! It's true! The Slate staff even had access to AEI's famous dining facilities. I once had lunch there with David Plotz and Frank Foer, back in the day. Their neoconservative ties are now undeniable!
The leading neoconservative publication, the Weekly Standard, argued forcefully for deploying troops to topple Saddam (though subsequently it's had more than a few quarrels with the Pentagon's conduct of the war). The Standard is a division of Rupert Murdoch's News Corp., not AEI … but its office is in the AEI building
This might be the laziest attempt at short-hand I've ever seen. You know what other print publication used to have an office in the AEI building? Slate! It's true! The Slate staff even had access to AEI's famous dining facilities. I once had lunch there with David Plotz and Frank Foer, back in the day. Their neoconservative ties are now undeniable!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
The Buffy Horror Picture Show: RIP
Fox has pulled the plug on the theatrical licensing for all of their television products, including the Buffy episode "Once More With Feeling."
Bionic Shuffle
AICN's Herc reports that Bionic Woman is now being unofficially run by Jason Katims. You can read the story if you want to make sure that someone else's workplace political infighting is way worse than yours.
Hope for this show is fading.
Update: Every once in a while, trolling the comments section can be gold. Here's one from the AICN thread:
Hope for this show is fading.
Update: Every once in a while, trolling the comments section can be gold. Here's one from the AICN thread:
[D]id Mark Sheppard graduate from the Tom Sizemore school of acting, just like Miguel Ferrer has a masters in Micheal Ironside Studies. While Isaiah Washington went to the Community College version of Denzel university (We all know Chiwetel Ejiofor will soon be graduating Summa Cum Lata from the main Campus). While Michelle Ryan took a summer course (with Damian Lewis and Kevin McKidd) in how to act American but still love thy Queen, taught by Hugh Laurie.
He puts the "T" in "IT"
Galley Friend R.J. sends us this link to what may be the worst Mr. T ad of all time. It's like a mini-movie and it's, well, I can't describe it. Just push play.
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Brief Aside
Dan Bartlett on the problems with the GOP presidential field:
Translation:
So I guess we now have the Bushie fallback position should Hillary sweep to a 40-state victory next year. Awesome.
"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah."
Translation:
None of the Republicans running have the strength and experience of being a two-term governor from a large, middle-American state. A lone-star state, if you will. None of these men has a name, a good name, a name you can trust. A name that sounds a lot like the name of another U.S. president. None of these guys is comfortable enough in his own skin that he'll be able to sleep like a baby while American troops are in harm's way and see into the deepest souls of the leaders of our country's rivals. In short, the biggest problem with the current crop of Republicans is that none of them is George W. Bush.
So I guess we now have the Bushie fallback position should Hillary sweep to a 40-state victory next year. Awesome.
Quote of the Week
Following Buffalo's loss to Dallas last night, ESPN's Stuart Scott asked his fellow commentators, Steve Young and Emmitt Smith, that had they not known the outcome, with so little time remaining and with Romo's multiple interceptions, what two words would've come to mind:
Steve Young: Dallas. Lose.
Emmitt Smith: Dallas. Lose. Big. Time.
Steve Young: Dallas. Lose.
Emmitt Smith: Dallas. Lose. Big. Time.
So what are you doing with your life?
Burbed shares with us a list of public employee salaries from the Bay Area. I'm a huge fan of public employees! A huge number of people near and dear to my heart work for the government in some capacity and I wish they were all paid more money! Really!
But $118K a year for a city bus driver?
But $118K a year for a city bus driver?
Monday, October 08, 2007
Justice League of America
Kill me now.
The only hope is that, like the Wolfgang Petersen World's Finest, Batman vs. Superman, this too will be aborted before shooting commences.
At this point, why not just start with Vibe and Gypsy and Vixen? Or, hell, why not start post-Justice League, with Batman leaving in a huff and starting the Outsiders, which is a much more manageable group of heroes (who could, with the right handling, turn into their own franchise). I always thought Batman and the Outsiders would make for an interesting 115 minute movie.
The only hope is that, like the Wolfgang Petersen World's Finest, Batman vs. Superman, this too will be aborted before shooting commences.
At this point, why not just start with Vibe and Gypsy and Vixen? Or, hell, why not start post-Justice League, with Batman leaving in a huff and starting the Outsiders, which is a much more manageable group of heroes (who could, with the right handling, turn into their own franchise). I always thought Batman and the Outsiders would make for an interesting 115 minute movie.
David Effin' Remnick
Yeah, that's right. He edits the best magazine in America and writes the best reported pieces in said magazine, just for kicks. Just to put idiot scribblers like you and me in our place. He has no mercy.
The Remnick profile of Garry Kasparov is brilliant. Just one choice tidbit:
The Remnick profile of Garry Kasparov is brilliant. Just one choice tidbit:
When I asked Kasparov if he feared for his life, he nodded gravely and said, “I do. The only thing I can try to do is reduce my risk. I can’t avoid the risk altogether. They watch everything I do in Moscow, or when I travel to places like Murmansk or Voronezh or Vladimir. I don’t eat or drink at places I’m not familiar with. I avoid flying with Aeroflot”—the Russian national airline. “It doesn’t help in the end if they really decide to go after you. But, if they did, it would be really messy. And not just because of the bodyguards. There would be a huge risk for the Kremlin if anything happens to me, God forbid, because the blood would be on Putin’s hands. It’s not that they have an allergy to blood, but it creates a bad image, or makes it worse than it already is.”
Saturday, October 06, 2007
The Continuing Misadventures of Sony's PS3
Cue the Benny Hill music:
As Joystiq reports, here's Sony talking about why they've decided to ditch backwards compatibility on the Playstation 3:
Here was Sony talking about the prime importance of backwards compatibility a years ago:
This is a company that has no idea what it's doing.
As Joystiq reports, here's Sony talking about why they've decided to ditch backwards compatibility on the Playstation 3:
In separate interviews today both Sony UK boss Ray Maguire and Sony Europe spokesman Nick Sharples spoke about how the 40GB PS3 lacking backwards compatibility is fine. How is it fine? Maguire tells Eurogamer that by this Christmas the PS3 will have a whopping 65 games and so they feel "there's sufficient choice in the marketplace and that we're still better off using that money that we'd put into backwards compatibility in either investing in new games or using that money to help support bringing the price down." Meanwhile, Sharples tells GameDaily, "We have made clear on many occasions that our priority is on developing innovative new features and services for PS3 and not on backwards compatibility."
Here was Sony talking about the prime importance of backwards compatibility a years ago:
Sony's own Phil Harrison clearly and distinctly said in a 2006 interview with GamePro, "Backwards compatibility, as you know from PlayStation One and PlayStation 2, is a core value of what we believe we should offer. And access to the library of content people have created, bought for themselves, and accumulated over the years is necessary to create a format. PlayStation is a format meaning that it transcends many devices -- PSOne, PS2, and now PS3."
This is a company that has no idea what it's doing.
Friday, October 05, 2007
The Black Macho Man
I know you're curious. Go ahead and watch the first clip. It's only 3 seconds long, but you'll get a taste:
So here's the deal: TNA Wrestling has a guy named Jay Lethal, who recently adopted Randy Savage's persona and the moniker "Black Machismo." Here's a bit more:
He's pretty great. But I hope Savage doesn't get pissed. Remember, "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Macho Man--Vengeance is mine!"
So here's the deal: TNA Wrestling has a guy named Jay Lethal, who recently adopted Randy Savage's persona and the moniker "Black Machismo." Here's a bit more:
He's pretty great. But I hope Savage doesn't get pissed. Remember, "Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Macho Man--Vengeance is mine!"
Falcons v. Vick
ATL has the word:
The Falcons are seeking to recoup $22 million already paid to Vick in signing bonuses. The Falcons claim that, since Vick knew at the time that he signed the contract and received the bonuses that he was running a dogfighting operation and should have known that that could cause him to not be able to play, he has forfeited the bonuses. The NFL Players Association says once bonuses are paid, there's no forfeiture, period.
They seem to be almost right. Under the new CBA approved last year, forfeiture of signing bonuses are allowed for only one reason . . .
The Hobbit in EW
Don't be fooled by the canned, straining hipsterism ("finger-bling," etc.), the people at Entertainment Weekly are plenty smart and you can't hold them responsible for the editorial dictums of Time-Warner magazine world. So if you focus on the substance, this piece on the future of The Hobbit property is pretty good stuff.
Then there's the pressure New Line is under:
And then there's this:
When New Line began planning to sell the LOTR props and costumes at auction, Jackson intervened and said that he'd like to have them, both for sentimental reasons and for a museum he hoped to set up one day. The studio balked. Jackson then pointed out that he had never signed a contract for the extended Return of the King DVD. He informed New Line that he'd be happy to accept the costumes and props as his fee — the suggestion being that he might not work on the DVD otherwise. Those extended cuts had become far richer revenue streams than anyone could have predicted. Jackson got his props. The relationship between the filmmakers and the studio at that point was said to fall somewhere between hellish and nonexistent.
Then there's the pressure New Line is under:
In fact, time may be running out to launch the movie. On some not-too-distant date, the rights to The Hobbit will revert back to Zaentz. Most insiders guess it's 2010. To make the movie then, New Line would have to renegotiate — assuming Zaentz would want to do business with them again — on much more expensive terms and with plenty of competition from other studios. And there may be another deadline: Shaye and studio co-chair Michael Lynne reportedly have only until late 2008, when their contracts with New Line are said to expire.
And then there's this:
In the past, Jackson has suggested that he would make two films, with the second one filling in the story arc between the end of The Hobbit and the beginning of Rings. Although Tolkien never wrote a novel bridging the eras, he did scatter clues in shorter pieces and epilogues that could form the basis of a screenplay.
Feminism and Sports, Again
Sorry.
Here's Tom Boswell today, writing about the Rockies' amazing run:
First, two qualifiers. (1) I love, love, love Tom Boswell. He's my second-favorite sports columnist, ranking below only the Immortal Bill Lyon. (2) As a writer, I'm actually fairly deliberate about switching up gender pronouns and trying to keep them balanced out. I think it's a little silly, but it doesn't matter much to me and it does seem to matter quite a bit to some readers, so I'm happy to try to reach out.
Except, when the outreach creates such a jarring, ridiculous dissonance with reality. For instance, you could, technically, use the pronoun "she" when talking about an anonymous place kicker because in the history of sports there have been one or two female place kickers in football. You could use "he" when talking about a non-specific Avon salesperson because there are now a couple "Avon Men."
But, at the risk of straying into Summers territory, what percentage of math professors are women and how many "sport-addled" female math professors are there out there? Ten? Twenty? Six?
This sort of ludicrous gender outreach is bad for writing because it actually does sacrifice something important on the altar of political feminism and derails the piece.
Final caveats: Maybe this was an editor mucking around with Boswell's copy. Or maybe Boswell had a specific lady sports-addled math professor in mind, in which case I drop all of the following complaints and applaud him for throwing her a shout-out. And finally, in any case, this complaint should in no-way be taken as a diminishing of Boswell who, again, is pretty fabulous.
I just wish this sort of stuff would stay out of sports.
Here's Tom Boswell today, writing about the Rockies' amazing run:
Maybe they're headed to a World Series trip that will shame all the sport's other improbabilities. After all, they were in fourth place in the National League West, five games out of the wild card on Sept. 17. Some sport-addled math professor somewhere is going to crunch the numbers on that and she'll nearly run out of decimal points in computing the odds. [emphasis added]
First, two qualifiers. (1) I love, love, love Tom Boswell. He's my second-favorite sports columnist, ranking below only the Immortal Bill Lyon. (2) As a writer, I'm actually fairly deliberate about switching up gender pronouns and trying to keep them balanced out. I think it's a little silly, but it doesn't matter much to me and it does seem to matter quite a bit to some readers, so I'm happy to try to reach out.
Except, when the outreach creates such a jarring, ridiculous dissonance with reality. For instance, you could, technically, use the pronoun "she" when talking about an anonymous place kicker because in the history of sports there have been one or two female place kickers in football. You could use "he" when talking about a non-specific Avon salesperson because there are now a couple "Avon Men."
But, at the risk of straying into Summers territory, what percentage of math professors are women and how many "sport-addled" female math professors are there out there? Ten? Twenty? Six?
This sort of ludicrous gender outreach is bad for writing because it actually does sacrifice something important on the altar of political feminism and derails the piece.
Final caveats: Maybe this was an editor mucking around with Boswell's copy. Or maybe Boswell had a specific lady sports-addled math professor in mind, in which case I drop all of the following complaints and applaud him for throwing her a shout-out. And finally, in any case, this complaint should in no-way be taken as a diminishing of Boswell who, again, is pretty fabulous.
I just wish this sort of stuff would stay out of sports.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Eagles "News"?
I'm such a super-fan that I didn't even rebut the blind commenter who suggested, after the Redskins loss, that the Eagles were a playoff team--because I want him to be right!
Sadly, I don't think he is. Here's a rumor floating around in Philly that would be kind of a big deal, if true:
However, the next graph sounds so implausible that it lessens the credibility of the first:
If you're in the Birds management and you think this is the end of the road for McNabb, don't you keep him in there and try to beef up his numbers as much as possible in order to keep his trade value high?
Galley Brother B.J. adds:
Sadly, I don't think he is. Here's a rumor floating around in Philly that would be kind of a big deal, if true:
It’s been a constant rumor all year, but after Sunday night’s loss to the Giants, sources close to Andy Reid and the team say there’s a strong possibility Reid may get off the sidelines sooner than expected. All year, Reid’s family troubles have been taking a noticeable toll, and many of his players are biding their time until Big Red makes an announcement. With Marty Mornhinweg already assuming much of the offense, Reid’s a lame-duck coach at this point, just poking around on the sidelines to keep his mind off of his woes. The likely scenario is inserting Mornhinweg in the coach’s seat so Reid can ride out the rest of his contract as Executive Vice President of Football Operations, leaving him more time with his fractured family.
However, the next graph sounds so implausible that it lessens the credibility of the first:
Also, sources are saying with Donovan McNabb most likely spending his last year in Philadelphia, this bye week might be the best possible time for the organization to officially switch gears. McNabb will continue to start (for now), but regardless of how the season turns out, this is most likely his victory lap in Philadelphia.
If you're in the Birds management and you think this is the end of the road for McNabb, don't you keep him in there and try to beef up his numbers as much as possible in order to keep his trade value high?
Galley Brother B.J. adds:
I'm having so much fun picturing Lovie Smith's speech to his team before the Eagles play the Bears in Chicago on 10/21:
Defense, remember when you're sacking McNabb, be gentle. We need him
healthy for next season. And, instead of the usual trash talk, of "I'll
fuck you til you love me," "all day, baby, all day," "you ain't getting
shit off motherfucker"--say things like, "that's a shame, our line might
not be the best, but they don't give up this many sacks," or "do your
receivers ever get open? You know Berriman & Mohmed are quite good at
getting open." Or maybe, "listen to those Bears fans, they're fantastic, they love their team and their players." Just be nice to him & stress how great it
is to play in Chicago.
The Greatest News Ever
That may be overselling it, but here it is:
A new, prime-time, network version of American Gladiators.
Hosted by Hulk Hogan.
Dig it!
A new, prime-time, network version of American Gladiators.
Hosted by Hulk Hogan.
Dig it!
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Flocking Awesome
Over the weekend I stumbled across a new browser called Flock, and after tinkering with it for a couple hours, I'm going to put Firefox aside for a week and give it a try. Its a Mozilla application and it's geared heavily toward people who use social-networking sites (which isn't me). And it looks a bit chunky. But that said, it has excellent RSS and blog management built in and it seems pretty zippy after startup. Might be worth giving a look.
The Truth About Cats and Dogs
Exhibit #16,317 on the undeniability of gender differences: You remember the Greatest Team You Never Heard Of--they finished third at the women's World Cup after the U.S. coach made the bizarre decision to bench his starting goalie, Hope Solo, who he had ridden to two straight undefeated years in favor of 36-year-old former star Briana Scurry. Coach Ryan's explanation, that Scurry had a better lifetime record against Brazil, was basically the same argument Mr. Burns used in substituting Homer for Daryl Strawberry ("But skip, I'm five-for-five with five home runs!").
Brazil blew out the U.S., Scurry was terrible in goal--bad enough to have lost the game for the Americans even if nothing else had gone wrong. And after the game Solo let out a mild rant, saying, "It was the wrong decision, and I think anybody that knows anything about the game knows that. There's no doubt in my mind I would have made those saves. And the fact of the matter is it's not 2004 anymore. It's not 2004. And it's 2007, and I think you have to live in the present. And you can't live by big names. You can't live in the past. It doesn't matter what somebody did in an Olympic gold medal game in the Olympics three years ago."
Harsh but, then again, truth is an affirmative defense. Not only was Solo right, but just about everybody in sports paying attention had said as much (or more) both before, during, and after the game.
But here's where it gets weird: The women on the team got upset with Solo . . . and then they voted not to let her play in the consolation game against Norway.
That's right, a group of quasi-professional athletes were so upset at the off-the-field comments of another player that they took it upon themselves to demand that the player be benched. And the coaching staff went along with it!
I submit to you that this sort of behavior is basically unthinkable in men's sports. (Try imagining this story in the context of an NFL team.) It shows a complete, polar-opposite understanding of competition, comradery, authority, and the importance of winning. Mind you, I'm not making any value judgments here: the women's view may well be the morally preferable one.
But they couldn't be more different.
Monday, October 01, 2007
What about the children?
I don't know how long I've had Encore as part of my cable package, but as a result, over the weekend, I had a chance to rewatch The Insider starring Al Pacino and Russell Crowe. Technically it is superb--what else would you expect from Michael Mann--and as Variety would say, perfs are stellar across the board. Particularly spot on is Christopher Plummer as Mike Wallace, admitting that he does not want to spend his dying days on NPR. Wallace frets over his legacy ("How will I be remembered?"), which is probably what Dan Rather was thinking when he filed his lawsuit. And as always, it's a treat to see Bruce McGill and Philip Baker Hall on screen.
Completely over the top, however, is when 60 Minutes finally airs the tobacco segment in its entirety, including the interview with Jeffrey Wigand. Pacino sees it in an airport and suddenly everyone stops to hear Wigand explain how the tobacco lobby was dishonest and how nicotine is, in fact, addictive. Mann cues the soulful wailing in the background as a mother and her children stop to listen, clearly in shock and disbelief. Even a janitor in the background stops to watch. The entire airport basically comes to a standstill. (When it comes to Big Tobacco and the movies, I much prefer Thank You for Smoking.)
Completely over the top, however, is when 60 Minutes finally airs the tobacco segment in its entirety, including the interview with Jeffrey Wigand. Pacino sees it in an airport and suddenly everyone stops to hear Wigand explain how the tobacco lobby was dishonest and how nicotine is, in fact, addictive. Mann cues the soulful wailing in the background as a mother and her children stop to listen, clearly in shock and disbelief. Even a janitor in the background stops to watch. The entire airport basically comes to a standstill. (When it comes to Big Tobacco and the movies, I much prefer Thank You for Smoking.)
Friday, September 28, 2007
"Two tickets to ... La Bo-heem?"
What to make of an opera that imitates a musical that imitates an opera? That is basically what has happened in the latest production of La Bohème at the Kennedy Center. Puccini's original opera, which took place in Paris ca. 1840, was later remade into the Broadway musical Rent (incidentally parodied in Team America as Lease). But the current offering by the Washington National Opera combines both with some jarring results: On the one hand you have a classic Puccini opera, the "Quando me'n vo'" aria done well by Alyson Cambridge (Musetta), and solid performances by Slovenian soprano Sabina Cvilak (Mimi) and Mexican tenor Arturo Chacón-Cruz (Rodolfo). On the other hand, you've got Rodolfo recording Mimi with a Camcorder, shown on a screen on stage, while she is singing. Other cast members are using cell phones and cell phone cameras. It's just a little distracting.
On the other hand, the use of surtitles made for some amusing moments--particularly when Mimi lay dying and saying, "I could really use a muff." Then Musetta comes to her aside and lets Mimi touch her muff. "It's so soft!" Mimi sings. Indeed. (Why am I the only one laughing?)
On the other hand, the use of surtitles made for some amusing moments--particularly when Mimi lay dying and saying, "I could really use a muff." Then Musetta comes to her aside and lets Mimi touch her muff. "It's so soft!" Mimi sings. Indeed. (Why am I the only one laughing?)
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Bionic Post
Pajiba's TV Whore is underwhelmed by the Bionic Woman premiere. I'm hoping for the best.
Holy Crap!
John McTiernan is going to jail! And it's not for making Rollerball!
It's all really funny because I don't remember what the occasion was, but like nine years ago half of America kept insisting that perjury wasn't a real crime and no one ever actually got prosecuted for it. So weird.
It's all really funny because I don't remember what the occasion was, but like nine years ago half of America kept insisting that perjury wasn't a real crime and no one ever actually got prosecuted for it. So weird.
Dept. of Understatement
My friend Andrew Breitbart is doing a Breakfast Table-like dialogue in the LAT with a writer named David Ehrenstein. In today's entry, Breitbart attributes to Ehrenstein, in passing, a love of America. Here's Ehrenstein's response:
I can't tell if he's putting us on here, because putting aside "language and culture" is like putting aside oxygen and water. Sure, without those two things, the moon is just like Earth!
Mr. Ehrenstein is gay. I wonder if he would find culture to be such a minor thing if he lived in Iran. Here is one summary of Iranian law on homosexuality (remember, laws are derived from culture):
But sure, other than little stuff like that, all nations are just big groups of gang-bangers.
I'm not so sure about the "love my country" bit as I'm markedly disenchanted with the entire concept of all nation-states. Move an inch beyond language and culture and their meaning and purpose almost invariably mirrors that of the Crips and the Bloods.
I can't tell if he's putting us on here, because putting aside "language and culture" is like putting aside oxygen and water. Sure, without those two things, the moon is just like Earth!
Mr. Ehrenstein is gay. I wonder if he would find culture to be such a minor thing if he lived in Iran. Here is one summary of Iranian law on homosexuality (remember, laws are derived from culture):
Iranian law dictates that penetrative male homosexual activity be punished with death, while non-penetrative activity is punished with lashes until the fourth offense, when death becomes the punishment. Female homosexuality is punished with lashes, also until the fourth offense, when death becomes the punishment.
But sure, other than little stuff like that, all nations are just big groups of gang-bangers.
Women and Sports
A few years ago I made some trouble with a piece about women's sports that pointed out that women really can't compete with men on the playing field. I was egged on by ads from Gatorade and Nike and the WNBA which all carried the same general theme: Women are just as strong and fast and athletic as men are. Which is crazy. The most telling of the examples I found was Marion Jones, whose 2000 Olympic gold medal performance in the 200m would have earned her a fourth-place finish in the high school boys state finals that year in New Jersey.
It seems that the political line has changed on women's sports, as now exemplified by a new Nike ad:
"Are boys bigger, stronger, and faster? Yes. Is that all that has to do with being an athlete? No."
"It's not a girl thing. It's not a boy thing. It's a skills ["skillz"? -ed] thing."
Well, okay. Except that the logic of this points either to (a) uni-sex professional sports leagues, or (b) no longer bothering to keep score. (We'll leave aside that on the question of skills, too, men tend to be better than women. If you have any doubts, watch the passing and dribbling during a WNBA game some time.)
In another set of Nike ads for the U.S. women's World Cup team, the slogan tells us that they're "The best team you never heard of."
What I don't understand is why there's this vaguely accusatory stance from women's sports. Why do we have to pretend that female athletes are something that they're not? Shouldn't it be enough to appreciate them on their own terms?
It seems that the political line has changed on women's sports, as now exemplified by a new Nike ad:
"Are boys bigger, stronger, and faster? Yes. Is that all that has to do with being an athlete? No."
"It's not a girl thing. It's not a boy thing. It's a skills ["skillz"? -ed] thing."
Well, okay. Except that the logic of this points either to (a) uni-sex professional sports leagues, or (b) no longer bothering to keep score. (We'll leave aside that on the question of skills, too, men tend to be better than women. If you have any doubts, watch the passing and dribbling during a WNBA game some time.)
In another set of Nike ads for the U.S. women's World Cup team, the slogan tells us that they're "The best team you never heard of."
What I don't understand is why there's this vaguely accusatory stance from women's sports. Why do we have to pretend that female athletes are something that they're not? Shouldn't it be enough to appreciate them on their own terms?
Monday, September 24, 2007
Get a (Second) Life!
Allow me to give props to my colleague Jonathan V. Last for doing some outstanding reporting in the current Weekly Standard on the subject of Second Life. Yes, all these months he's been playing as a "resident" just for this piece and I am sure he will no longer be active in that world now that the story has been published. Also, I haven't played Civ in a week.
In any event, I think JVL held back in describing the Second Life convention he attended in Chicago. Let's just say the actual Second Lifers are, well, larger than life. Enjoy.
In any event, I think JVL held back in describing the Second Life convention he attended in Chicago. Let's just say the actual Second Lifers are, well, larger than life. Enjoy.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Fall In Love With Her All Over Again
With Christine Rosen, that is. The new issue of the New Atlantis is out, top-lined by Rosen's piece on social-networking websites, "Virtual Friendship and the New Narcissism."
Print it out and treat yourself. Or, if you've been on really good behavior, get yourself a subscription to the New Atlantis. The best $24 you'll spend this week.
Print it out and treat yourself. Or, if you've been on really good behavior, get yourself a subscription to the New Atlantis. The best $24 you'll spend this week.
In Praise of Todd McCarthy
No disrespect to Anthony Lane, but Variety's Todd McCarthy is the best movie critic in America. Here's an example of why, from his review of Elizabeth: The Golden Age:
Tales underbrush is littered by annoyingly anonymous Catholic traitors, backed by Mary and Philip, plotting to murder Elizabeth, who is increasingly taken with [Walter] Raleigh. The two ride together in the country and achieve what, for the queen, must sadly pass as intimacy, a state more completely achieved between Raliegh and Elizabeth's favorite young companion . . .
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Interesting Bit of Cultural Commentary
From Hercules the Strong, who is probably the best TV writer in America right now, about the ABC dramadey Brothers & Sisters:
A very astute observation. The very fact that I haven't seen anyone else making a similar one seems to be a sign of how completely the debate has been shifted.
“Brothers [& Sisters]” doesn’t otherwise much distinguish itself in the vast vast 21st century sea of scripted hourlongs.
Except in one respect. When it comes to the gay smooching, “Brothers and Sisters” makes “Will & Grace” look like “The Unit.” The show represents a breakthrough in network male-on-male spit-swapping, boasting copious Disney-sanctioned homosexual lip-lock. The show started with the openly gay Kevin, then introduced the Rob Lowe character’s gay brother. Still later in season one it is revealed that another core member of the Walker clan is secretly gay.
All this homosexuality is not entirely unexpected! “Brothers” was created by gay playwright Jon Robin Baitz. Greg Belanti, one of the homosexuals behind “Dawson’s Creek,” “Everwood” and “Jack & Bobby” (and the upcoming “Dirty Sexy Money,” one of at least two new ABC hourlongs to feature a major transsexual plotline this season), served as head writer and showrunner during most of “Brothers’” first season.
Another writer on “Brothers” is homosexual actor/playwright David Marshall Grant. Grant, some will recall, helped generate a shitstorm of viewer protest and sponsor pullout for (a pre-Disney) ABC more than 15 years ago when his gay character cavorted nakedly with another male in “thirtysomething.” “Brothers,” a 21st century ABC hourlong with a lot more homosexual content, has to my knowledge inspired no sponsor pullouts. Owing perhaps to the popularity of “Six Feet Under” and “The L-Word” and even “Buffy,” the religious right seems to have finally conceded this battle.
A very astute observation. The very fact that I haven't seen anyone else making a similar one seems to be a sign of how completely the debate has been shifted.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Dept. of First Times
I'm basically with the Huffington Post's Nick Antosca about the behavior of the police as they grabbed U. Florida student Andrew Meyer, wrestled him to the ground, and then tasered him. And then accuse him of the ludicrous charge of trying to "incite a riot."
Meyer appears to be not totally balanced, but unless the videotapes are missing some important context--he has a history the officers are aware of, there's some other action we can't see--then this looks like terrible police work. Maybe even criminal--surely smart lawyers will be able to more accurately judge whether or not the officers crossed legal, and not just prudential or ethical, lines.
I know the conservative impulse is to laugh, since Meyer appears to be an unbalanced lefty conspiracy guy, but this is the sort of police action that should make you wary.
Meyer appears to be not totally balanced, but unless the videotapes are missing some important context--he has a history the officers are aware of, there's some other action we can't see--then this looks like terrible police work. Maybe even criminal--surely smart lawyers will be able to more accurately judge whether or not the officers crossed legal, and not just prudential or ethical, lines.
I know the conservative impulse is to laugh, since Meyer appears to be an unbalanced lefty conspiracy guy, but this is the sort of police action that should make you wary.
Fly, Eagles, Fly
So, they are not what we thought they were. Before the season began, the three Eagles Superfans closest to my heart all predicted between 9 and 11 wins for the Birds. I scoffed, saying they looked like a 7 or 8 win team.
After last night's home loss to the Redskins, it's time to push the panic button. (You should hear DC sportstalk radio this morning: they think they have a "special" team. Yeah, but only because getting to .500 has been special in DC sports for the last decade.)
I'll be mildly surprised if either the Skins or Green Bay makes the playoffs. I'd be shocked if both did. These two teams have the look of NFL mediocrity.
The Eagles aren't even that good. McNabb looked terribly: slow and spraying the ball high on a number of passes. Tough to tell how much of that is rust, how much is the injury (remember, he's not supposed to be near 100% until the end of the season), and how much is time catching up with him. The more worrisome aspects: the receiving corps is, as usual, an embarrassment; the coaching decisions (hey let's call time out as the Skins are about to kick a field goal, prompting them to instead throw a touchdown pass!) were questionable. Worst of all, the defense looked completely vulnerable. Brian Dawkins, the heart and soul of this team, looked noticeably slower than he was last year. All in all, it was hard to find anything positive in last night's game.
But it's almost impossible to find anything positive in the remaining schedule. Go ahead and take a look. Find the wins. Detroit? They're 2-0 and look better than the Eagles do now. They might split with the Giants, if the G-Men really start to fall apart. No chance against the Bears. They'll probably go winless in November. If everything breaks right for them, they might win 6 games (@Jets, @Vikings, Dolphins, Seahawks, Giants, Bills). Really, how much confidence do you have that they can win all of those games?
Here's the scary scenario: It's entirely possible they go to the bye week 0-4 and go into Week 14 2-10, finishing the year with 4 wins. In fact, I'd suspect that's a more likely scenario than the one that gets them to 6 wins.
Either way, this is the beginning of the end for Andy Reid in Philadelphia.
Update: From Galley Brother B.J.:
Yeah, if I was the Sex Cannon, I'd be worried about my job.
Update 2: From Galley Friend B.W.:
Update 3: From Galley Friend and Redskins Superfan P.G.:
Update 4: P.G. again:
Reid is a genius--at cap management. As you arrive at the Linc, the first thing you notice are the five glorious cap trophies lining the main entrance by the concourse. A lot of people say that they're just as good as Lombardi trophies.
But seriously, I think Reid has also been a great temperamental presence for the Eagles. His game management and playcalling have always been suspect, but he seems to do a great job preparing the team during the week and has so few back-to-back losses during his tenure that he's clearing doing something right in terms of putting his players in position to succeed.
All of that said, I also think that a bottom-out season, the end of which sees McNabb looking elsewhere, combined with Reid's off the field family troubles, will make it an attractive time for him to leave Philadelphia.
And then, if they don't hire Cowher, we can jump off the roof.
Update 5: From Galley Friend and Eagles Superfan T.R.:
Update 6: Remember this?
I posit that this was the high-water mark for the Reid-McNabb era.
After last night's home loss to the Redskins, it's time to push the panic button. (You should hear DC sportstalk radio this morning: they think they have a "special" team. Yeah, but only because getting to .500 has been special in DC sports for the last decade.)
I'll be mildly surprised if either the Skins or Green Bay makes the playoffs. I'd be shocked if both did. These two teams have the look of NFL mediocrity.
The Eagles aren't even that good. McNabb looked terribly: slow and spraying the ball high on a number of passes. Tough to tell how much of that is rust, how much is the injury (remember, he's not supposed to be near 100% until the end of the season), and how much is time catching up with him. The more worrisome aspects: the receiving corps is, as usual, an embarrassment; the coaching decisions (hey let's call time out as the Skins are about to kick a field goal, prompting them to instead throw a touchdown pass!) were questionable. Worst of all, the defense looked completely vulnerable. Brian Dawkins, the heart and soul of this team, looked noticeably slower than he was last year. All in all, it was hard to find anything positive in last night's game.
But it's almost impossible to find anything positive in the remaining schedule. Go ahead and take a look. Find the wins. Detroit? They're 2-0 and look better than the Eagles do now. They might split with the Giants, if the G-Men really start to fall apart. No chance against the Bears. They'll probably go winless in November. If everything breaks right for them, they might win 6 games (@Jets, @Vikings, Dolphins, Seahawks, Giants, Bills). Really, how much confidence do you have that they can win all of those games?
Here's the scary scenario: It's entirely possible they go to the bye week 0-4 and go into Week 14 2-10, finishing the year with 4 wins. In fact, I'd suspect that's a more likely scenario than the one that gets them to 6 wins.
Either way, this is the beginning of the end for Andy Reid in Philadelphia.
Update: From Galley Brother B.J.:
Donovan McNabb 2008 - 2009 MVP with the Chicago Bears.
Yeah, if I was the Sex Cannon, I'd be worried about my job.
Update 2: From Galley Friend B.W.:
JVL: Don't say it, Matus.
VM: You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in you now. Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.
JVL: I'm leaving.
VM: Two words: La. Ron.
JVL: Don't make me look up ethnic slurs for Filipinos.
VM: Good. Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you. Soon you will be a true Philadelphian.
Update 3: From Galley Friend and Redskins Superfan P.G.:
Seriously, when did ESPN officially become the Eagles SPorts Network? Did you like the pre-game feature on 85-year old “Weapon X”, Brian Dawkins? He’s so good that he gets knocked out after a collision with Todd Yoder. If Dawkins is Wolverine, does that make Yoder Sabretooth? I was actually surprised that Kolber and Tafoya didn’t blow McNabb and Reid at halftime at the 50 yard line. Did you start to feel a little shaky when the ESPN guys all picked the Eagles, with the exception of the one guy who actually knows something about football, Tom Jackson?
Update 4: P.G. again:
I've been dead-on with my Eagles predictions (but wildly inaccurate with my Skins predictions) for the past 2 seasons. I seriously think they won't win 7 games this year. I've never quite understood how everyone thinks Reid is a genius. The good news is that Parcells or Cowher will be available. The bad news is that your front office might be too cheap to pay them. Seriously, you guys should back the Brinks truck up at Cowher's door, he's a perfect fit for you guys. Blue collar guy for a blue collar town and team. No more passing 50 times, run the ball and let McNabb manage games.
Reid is a genius--at cap management. As you arrive at the Linc, the first thing you notice are the five glorious cap trophies lining the main entrance by the concourse. A lot of people say that they're just as good as Lombardi trophies.
But seriously, I think Reid has also been a great temperamental presence for the Eagles. His game management and playcalling have always been suspect, but he seems to do a great job preparing the team during the week and has so few back-to-back losses during his tenure that he's clearing doing something right in terms of putting his players in position to succeed.
All of that said, I also think that a bottom-out season, the end of which sees McNabb looking elsewhere, combined with Reid's off the field family troubles, will make it an attractive time for him to leave Philadelphia.
And then, if they don't hire Cowher, we can jump off the roof.
Update 5: From Galley Friend and Eagles Superfan T.R.:
1) The season is NOT over. But it is on the brink. As are AR and Donovan’s tenures in Philadelphia;
2) WHY WON’T THEY RUN THE $#@! FOOTBALL? It was the only thing that worked – and it was working WELL. Westbrook averaged over 5.5 per carry. Did the last six games of last season never happen?
3) And why do they run it only to the (usually clogged) left side? What about Shawn Andrews? Almost criminal negligence.
4) They attempted 48 passes and ran the ball 18 times. What else can I say except, Andy, when you say "I have to do better job putting the offense in the right position to make plays" you are exactly right. It's a disgrace.
5) The offense looked unready, uninspired, and unimaginative (not overwhelmed or undertalented) – that, in a word, is coaching.
6) A lot is being made about McNabb sucking. Justifiable, but keep a couple things in mind: He ALWAYS drills a few balls into the turf, and always will; The hallmark of over-the-hill QB’s is that they lose velocity – McNabb was a cannon; His accuracy and touch were awful… how much does that have to do with a knee injury… and how much might it have to do with coaching, hand-holding, and getting reps?
7) Let’s face it – Coaching in today’s NFL is a 24/7 job. Is that fair? I don’t know – but that’s the fact. And that is NOT what we have been getting;
8) Oh yeah, he’s also the GM.
Update 6: Remember this?
I posit that this was the high-water mark for the Reid-McNabb era.
Is Tiger the Most Dominant Athlete Ever?
Dean Barnett asks that question. The answer has to be, Depends on how you define "dominance."
Different sports have different capacities for dominance. Basketball, for instance, has a very high capacity for it. Players like Bill Russell and Michael Jordan were able to total strangle the sport for years at a time. Tennis has a similarly high capacity, where a single player can sometimes win three of the four majors in a year. Football and baseball have almost no capacity for dominance because they involve so many players--the best QB or pitcher in the history of the games can't do more than get their teams to a couple playoff appearances by themselves.
Until Tiger, gold appeared to be a sport with a relatively low capacity for dominance for a different reason: the fickleness of the game, which meant that no player could really hope to beat the field every time out. Too many things can go wrong in a round of golf.
So it depends. Has Tiger been more dominant than Roger Federer? No. Than Jordan? No. But because he's doing what he's doing in a sport that has never been dominated, then surely that counts for something. Thoughts?
Different sports have different capacities for dominance. Basketball, for instance, has a very high capacity for it. Players like Bill Russell and Michael Jordan were able to total strangle the sport for years at a time. Tennis has a similarly high capacity, where a single player can sometimes win three of the four majors in a year. Football and baseball have almost no capacity for dominance because they involve so many players--the best QB or pitcher in the history of the games can't do more than get their teams to a couple playoff appearances by themselves.
Until Tiger, gold appeared to be a sport with a relatively low capacity for dominance for a different reason: the fickleness of the game, which meant that no player could really hope to beat the field every time out. Too many things can go wrong in a round of golf.
So it depends. Has Tiger been more dominant than Roger Federer? No. Than Jordan? No. But because he's doing what he's doing in a sport that has never been dominated, then surely that counts for something. Thoughts?
Monday, September 17, 2007
Trouble at Townhall
Just a quick aside:
Am I missing something, or did Patrick Ruffini just call Hugh Hewitt a liar?
Ruffini today: "Anyone who argues that this isn’t jump ball between some permutation of Giuliani/Romney/Thompson is probably lying to you."
Hugh Hewitt last week: "The third quarter fundraising is coming to an end, and so has Fred Thompson's honeymoon, leaving one of three people as George Bush's successor--Senator Clinton, Mayor Giuliani, or Governor Romney."
Am I missing something, or did Patrick Ruffini just call Hugh Hewitt a liar?
Ruffini today: "Anyone who argues that this isn’t jump ball between some permutation of Giuliani/Romney/Thompson is probably lying to you."
Hugh Hewitt last week: "The third quarter fundraising is coming to an end, and so has Fred Thompson's honeymoon, leaving one of three people as George Bush's successor--Senator Clinton, Mayor Giuliani, or Governor Romney."
Nerd Alert
Last year Brad Meltzer, the guy who got me back into comic books with his outrageously good Identity Crisis, rebooted DC's Justice League of America series. Like Identity Crisis, it was jaw-droppingly good. The stories were interesting and the characters were written more intelligently than you have any right to expect in a comic book. One of the plots, for instance, dealt with Solomon Grundy who, it turns out, fears death, even though he knows he will be reincarnated every time. Couldn't ask for better stuff.
Now Meltzer has left Justice League and been replaced by a writer named Swayne McDuffie. I'd come across McDuffie's work only once before with his malicious, anti-American contribution to a 9/11 comics anthology. But his new Justice League is even worse: In a single issue he tears down all of Meltzer's structure and turns the book into Super Friends. All of a sudden the League lives in the Hall of Justice. Lex Luthor (in the stupid Super Power green armor) assembles the League of Injustice. They have Hall of Doom headquarters--looks exactly like the one the Legion of Doom used in the animated series--which is concealed underneath the water in a swamp.
Awesome. Brad Meltzer made me remember why I loved comics. McDuffie reminds me of why I left them.
Onion
In addition to this amazing bit ("Description Of Sexual Fantasy Changing With Girlfriend's Reaction"), the Onion has an interesting interview with Seth Green that gives some nice glimpses into Hollywood:
Idle Hands (1999)—"Mick"
SG: [Laughs slowly.] Um… [Laughs more.] The best thing about that movie was that everybody working on it had a different mission statement. We all thought we were making a different movie. Me and the boys—the other actors, Devin [Sawa] and Elden [Henson]—we were convinced we were making a high drama with some comedic elements, and we tried to make our relationship as lifelong best friends believable. And, uh… [Laughs.] The director, Rodman [Flender], was attempting to make a throwback Italian horror film, like a Dario Argento flick. The writers really wanted it to be Heathers. And the studio was listening to the test marketing and saying that if this movie didn't have… They really wanted the zombies to be cuter, and have more wacky antics, and apparently all the kids in the audience thought that there should be more pot-smoking, that pot should save the day, and somewhere, somehow, Jessica Alba needed to get her top ripped off. And that's how that whole new ending got shot, where she's up on the car lift and gets her midsection ripped off, and pot saves the day.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Suck on That Chris Hitchens
Notice how cool it is to be a militant atheist these days? Well that's all finished now. Atheism is no longer a tenable position. Why?
Bacon Salt.
Oh yes, it's just what it sounds like. The company's motto? "Everything should taste like bacon."
Yes it should. Thank you, God.
Bacon Salt.
Oh yes, it's just what it sounds like. The company's motto? "Everything should taste like bacon."
Yes it should. Thank you, God.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Patriot Games
No, I'm not going to tell you that the Patriots cheated to beat the Eagles in the Super Bowl. Maybe they did. But there were larger forces at work there and the Eagles weren't going to win that championship. That sort of thing doesn't happen in Philly. By which I mean the winning, not the cheating.
And can I beg that we have no more "Belicheat" or "Patriot Gate"? If this silly mini-scandal has a name, it's obviously "Patriot Games."
KSK had an outstanding item on the whole mess the other day, with Belichick as Rumsfeld. Quite good. But top honors has to go to LOL Jocks for seeing Belichick as Jack Horner, Burt Reynolds's Boogie Nights porn director.
"Aim for his tits, Eddie." I beg you to follow the link. It's gold.
And can I beg that we have no more "Belicheat" or "Patriot Gate"? If this silly mini-scandal has a name, it's obviously "Patriot Games."
KSK had an outstanding item on the whole mess the other day, with Belichick as Rumsfeld. Quite good. But top honors has to go to LOL Jocks for seeing Belichick as Jack Horner, Burt Reynolds's Boogie Nights porn director.
"Aim for his tits, Eddie." I beg you to follow the link. It's gold.
Mace McNabb
Pursuant to this item from yesterday, I give you the hotness:
If Jenny asks nicely, I'll get it put on a t-shirt for her . . .
* Artwork courtesy of Galley Pimp N.S.
If Jenny asks nicely, I'll get it put on a t-shirt for her . . .
* Artwork courtesy of Galley Pimp N.S.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
For the Love of All That Is Holy
When Galley Friend D.M. told me about the '90s era pilot for a Justice League of America series, I didn't believe him. Here it is.
Listen, I won't lie to you, this is long. Part one is 10 minutes. I know what you're thinking, I'm at work, I can't afford to take the time to watch this.
Believe me, when you see Green Lantern, the Flash, the Atom, and "Fire" unleash their mighty powers around the 9:00 mark, you'll understand that you can't afford not to watch. It's like the Corman Fantastic Four, only with real actors (Miguel Ferrer! David Krumholtz!), and much, much worse.
Here's the opening credits sequence:
So hot. Next comes the 10-minute part 1. Note the interwoven confessional-style interviews with the heroes:
I couldn't track down the next segment, but here's the denouement:
Question for the room: Is this the worst superhero adaptation ever done for the small screen?
Listen, I won't lie to you, this is long. Part one is 10 minutes. I know what you're thinking, I'm at work, I can't afford to take the time to watch this.
Believe me, when you see Green Lantern, the Flash, the Atom, and "Fire" unleash their mighty powers around the 9:00 mark, you'll understand that you can't afford not to watch. It's like the Corman Fantastic Four, only with real actors (Miguel Ferrer! David Krumholtz!), and much, much worse.
Here's the opening credits sequence:
So hot. Next comes the 10-minute part 1. Note the interwoven confessional-style interviews with the heroes:
I couldn't track down the next segment, but here's the denouement:
Question for the room: Is this the worst superhero adaptation ever done for the small screen?
The NFL as Star Wars
From Galley Brother B.J.: Sure some of them are too easy (the Pats as the Emperor), but check out the love for Admirals Ozzel and Piett. That's quality.
One small beef: Where's Lando?
One small beef: Where's Lando?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
It seems CBS's gambit to improve its Evening News ratings by sending Katie Couric into the war zone has failed. According to Reuters, despite Couric having been to Iraq and also interviewing General Petraeus and President Bush, her news program has hit an all-time low of 5.4 million viewers, "the lowest ratings on record since the current ratings system took effect in 1987, according to Nielsen Media Research." (In comparison, ABC's Charlie Gibson is attracting 7.8 million while NBC's Brian Williams draws in 7.78 million.)
But I knew ahead of these latest stats that things were not well when watching the NFL on CBS last Sunday. During a commercial break, the network ran a promo with a voiceover that sounded just a little too desperate:
"Katie Couric, covering the most important story of our time. She did it. And did it well."
But I knew ahead of these latest stats that things were not well when watching the NFL on CBS last Sunday. During a commercial break, the network ran a promo with a voiceover that sounded just a little too desperate:
"Katie Couric, covering the most important story of our time. She did it. And did it well."
That Didn't Take Long
Despite have a year's head start, Nintendo's Wii has just surpassed Microsoft's Xbox 360 as the #1 game console in America.
Sony shouldn't worry though, the PS2 is still selling great!
Sony shouldn't worry though, the PS2 is still selling great!
Monday, September 10, 2007
Frankie!
It's understandable that in the midst of the Petraeus hearings, news from the "Family Secrets" trial in Chicago would get overshadowed. But for mob buffs, today's verdicts are key: A federal jury has found all five defendants guilty on racketeering and conspiracy charges. These members of "The Outfit" include capo James "Little Jimmy" Marcello and hitman Frank Calabrese.
It was testimony by Calabrese's own brother that proved vital to the prosecution. And as a result, we now know the true story behind the deaths of Anthony and Michael Spilotro (the former made famous by Joe Pesci in Casino): It turns out the brothers were not killed in the Indiana cornfield back in 1986. They were instead lured into the basement of an associate's home in Bensenville, Illinois, after being told Anthony was getting promoted to captain while his brother would be "made."
Last July, Nicholas Calabrese took the stand and explained how the Spilotro brothers entered the basement. The last thing Calabrese remembers hearing out of Anthony was, "Can I say a prayer?" Then the two brothers were beaten and strangled to death by a gang of men. (I guess the answer was no.) According to forensic pathologist Dr. John Pless, the Spilotros died of blunt trauma, more likely from fists than bats. They were later buried in the Indiana cornfield.
We also learn the Spilotros had another brother (a civilian) who happened to be a dentist. Patrick Spilotro actually asked one of his brothers' killers why they had to go. As Joe "Joey the Clown" Lombardo explained: "Doc, you get an order, you follow the order. If you don't follow the order, you go too." (Dr. Spilotro also testified in the recent trial.)
Casino (both book and movie) was correct, however, when it came to motive. The Outfit had had enough of Anthony Spilotro's shenanigans, including unauthorized hits, attempting to blow up Frank Rosenthal (DeNiro's Ace Rothstein) and having an affair with his wife. (The Chicago Sun-Times has excellent coverage of the months-long trial.)
In any event, the movie had the right spirit of Anthony "The Ant" Spilotro, particularly when Pesci's character reveals to a banker the true nature of his job:
I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance, tomorrow morning, I'll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and ... if you don't have my money for me, I'll crack your fuckin' head wide open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again. 'Cause I'm fuckin' stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail. That's my business. That's what I do.
It was testimony by Calabrese's own brother that proved vital to the prosecution. And as a result, we now know the true story behind the deaths of Anthony and Michael Spilotro (the former made famous by Joe Pesci in Casino): It turns out the brothers were not killed in the Indiana cornfield back in 1986. They were instead lured into the basement of an associate's home in Bensenville, Illinois, after being told Anthony was getting promoted to captain while his brother would be "made."
Last July, Nicholas Calabrese took the stand and explained how the Spilotro brothers entered the basement. The last thing Calabrese remembers hearing out of Anthony was, "Can I say a prayer?" Then the two brothers were beaten and strangled to death by a gang of men. (I guess the answer was no.) According to forensic pathologist Dr. John Pless, the Spilotros died of blunt trauma, more likely from fists than bats. They were later buried in the Indiana cornfield.
We also learn the Spilotros had another brother (a civilian) who happened to be a dentist. Patrick Spilotro actually asked one of his brothers' killers why they had to go. As Joe "Joey the Clown" Lombardo explained: "Doc, you get an order, you follow the order. If you don't follow the order, you go too." (Dr. Spilotro also testified in the recent trial.)
Casino (both book and movie) was correct, however, when it came to motive. The Outfit had had enough of Anthony Spilotro's shenanigans, including unauthorized hits, attempting to blow up Frank Rosenthal (DeNiro's Ace Rothstein) and having an affair with his wife. (The Chicago Sun-Times has excellent coverage of the months-long trial.)
In any event, the movie had the right spirit of Anthony "The Ant" Spilotro, particularly when Pesci's character reveals to a banker the true nature of his job:
I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance, tomorrow morning, I'll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and ... if you don't have my money for me, I'll crack your fuckin' head wide open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that I'm comin' out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again. 'Cause I'm fuckin' stupid. I don't give a fuck about jail. That's my business. That's what I do.
About Those Univision Numbers . . .
Drudge has been carrying this story all day about Univision claiming to lead all major networks for the week among adults aged 18-34. Here's the key stuff:
When I read that this morning I scratched my head. It sure didn't sound right, unless there are waaaay more than 12 million undocumented immigrants in the country right now. Where did those numbers come from? Can they possibly be right?
I started paging through some back issues of Daily Variety and came upon the Nielsen chart for the week of Aug. 20 through Aug. 26. It told a wildly different story than the numbers Univision is claiming for the week which immediately followed:
So what gives? Obviously, none of this is comparing apples-to-apples: these numbers are for prime time and total viewers (except for the top 16 list). And things change. But it seems a little odd that a network goes from being a fifth-place outlet to first place in a week.
Something doesn't seem right.
In the first entire week (8/27/07-9/2/07) since all networks were reported from one single ratings sample, Univision ranked as the #1 network with an +11% advantage over its nearest competitor, FOX, and beating ABC by +43%, CBS by +42%, NBC by +57%, and fully +125% ahead of CW for all Adults 18-34, not just Hispanics. Univision was also the #1 ranked network all night every night Monday through Friday last week among the same coveted young adult demographic.
In addition, Univision aired 9 out of the top 20 programs of the entire week, regardless of language, among all Adults 18-34.
When I read that this morning I scratched my head. It sure didn't sound right, unless there are waaaay more than 12 million undocumented immigrants in the country right now. Where did those numbers come from? Can they possibly be right?
I started paging through some back issues of Daily Variety and came upon the Nielsen chart for the week of Aug. 20 through Aug. 26. It told a wildly different story than the numbers Univision is claiming for the week which immediately followed:
* During prime-time, Univision finished a distant fifth place. Here are the total average viewer numbers for prime time that week (in millions):
CBS: 6.92
NBC: 5.96
Fox: 4.68
ABC: 4.48
Uni: 2.99
CW: 1.95
* Univision didn't win a single night during the week, and was often getting doubled and tripled up on the nightly averages. For example, on Tue., NBC won the night with a 12.31 average (thanks to the #1 show, America's Got Talent--note to self: start book on end of civilization). Univision finished the night with a 3.43.
Sunday night was terrible for Univision. They finished with a 1.63 while CBS, powered by 60 Minutes, rode to a 7.88. NBC was right behind with a 7.57.
* Variety also has a chart with the top 16 shows in the 18-49 demo. None of them is a Univision program.
So what gives? Obviously, none of this is comparing apples-to-apples: these numbers are for prime time and total viewers (except for the top 16 list). And things change. But it seems a little odd that a network goes from being a fifth-place outlet to first place in a week.
Something doesn't seem right.
This must be hard on Elvis
Products have been appropriating songs in commercials for a long time. And yet it is still appalling when you hear some of them: EMF's "Unbelievable" became Kraft's Cheese Crumbles' "Crumbelievable." The Turtles' "Happy Together" became Applebee's "Steak and shrimp, and shrimp and steak..."
But this has to be THE WORST SUCH COMMERCIAL EVER. (Make sure you turn on the audio.)
But this has to be THE WORST SUCH COMMERCIAL EVER. (Make sure you turn on the audio.)
Brit-Brit
I didn't watch the VMA's for any number of reasons, but the Britney Spears train wreck is fabulous. (Thanks YouTube!)
Las Vegas native Jenny even went so far as to apologize to the rest of us on behalf of her city. She's a really generous person for a Cowboys fan. (And yes, Jenny, the Eagles probably won't total up 45 points for the season until week five.)
WWTDD has the word that Britney's people are blaming her performance on her being upset that Sarah Silverman made fun of her kids:
Las Vegas native Jenny even went so far as to apologize to the rest of us on behalf of her city. She's a really generous person for a Cowboys fan. (And yes, Jenny, the Eagles probably won't total up 45 points for the season until week five.)
WWTDD has the word that Britney's people are blaming her performance on her being upset that Sarah Silverman made fun of her kids:
Yeah this sounds about right. Britney cares about her kids. That's why she's in Vegas on a Sunday night dressed like a whore.
Michael Mann's Latest
Galley Reader P.G. points out that while taking a break from manipulating Peter Berg via mind control, Michael Mann shot an ad for Nike that ran yesterday during football.
Trailer City
So here's the Robert Downey Jr. Ironman trailer. It's fine, I guess. The flying sequence is about 100 times more believable than the animations in Superman Returns, in any case.
But boy, howdy, that first Iron Giant suit of armor is silly looking.
But boy, howdy, that first Iron Giant suit of armor is silly looking.
Friday, September 07, 2007
Another Film the Bush Administration Doesn't Want You to See
AICN has word that Wolfgang Petersen may direct The Grays, a movie based on a book of the same name by Whitley Strieber.
This isn't Strieber's first foray into movies. His filmography shows that a few prominent directors and actors have taken an interest in his work. The 1989 movie Communion had Christopher Walker playing Strieber in his real-life autobiographical tale about being abducted by aliens. The Grays is also about aliens, only this book is fiction.
Strieber was associated with another prominent movie you may have heard of: The Day After Tomorrow. Strieber co-wrote the non-fiction book which inspired the movie. Or maybe it was fiction. Or maybe it was, as Al Gore called it, "honest fiction." Really, who can say?
In any event, I hope the former vice president will be good enough to help promote The Grays when it comes out. After global warming, genetic infiltration by a stranded, dying alien race may be humanity's most pressing concern.
This isn't Strieber's first foray into movies. His filmography shows that a few prominent directors and actors have taken an interest in his work. The 1989 movie Communion had Christopher Walker playing Strieber in his real-life autobiographical tale about being abducted by aliens. The Grays is also about aliens, only this book is fiction.
Strieber was associated with another prominent movie you may have heard of: The Day After Tomorrow. Strieber co-wrote the non-fiction book which inspired the movie. Or maybe it was fiction. Or maybe it was, as Al Gore called it, "honest fiction." Really, who can say?
In any event, I hope the former vice president will be good enough to help promote The Grays when it comes out. After global warming, genetic infiltration by a stranded, dying alien race may be humanity's most pressing concern.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
He's Back
The Sex Cannon is in the house:
Will someone give the KSK guys there own TV show? I'm thinking it's like Robot Chicken, only with football.
Let me explain something to you Rexettes out there. I don’t wear an athletic supporter out there. I don’t. Too constrictive. My cock does not like being reigned in, and I am not one to go against the wishes of Dr. Death And His Satchel . . .
Will someone give the KSK guys there own TV show? I'm thinking it's like Robot Chicken, only with football.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Just Asking . . .
Which is a bigger FU to early adopters: The PS3's price drop, or the $200 Apple just lopped off of their ridiculous iPhone?
Update: Galley Friend B.W. sends word that Steve Jobs is going to give early iPhone buyers $100 back. That's pretty solid.
Update: Galley Friend B.W. sends word that Steve Jobs is going to give early iPhone buyers $100 back. That's pretty solid.
U.S. Open Notes
Has anyone else noticed that USA’s Al Trautwig and J.K. Simmons might actually be the same person? It’s a little eerie. I keep waiting for him to tell Jim Courier that “Sure, Agnes Szavay may have been able to technically tell right from wrong, but her wiring is so screwed up that she may not even have known where she was at the time of the murder.”
Then Courier says, “So bottom line, we offer her a deal?”
And Mary Joe Fernandez is like, “I’ve got a deal, Jim. Let’s hang ‘em. Hang ‘em all.”
I digress. Tuesday’s Henin-Serena match was pretty impressive stuff. Serena only really showed up for a few games late in the first set and after she blew her set point, wasn’t present enough to stay with Henin. I wonder if at this point Henin is up in her head the way Federer is in Roddick’s.
Speaking of which . . . Andy Roddick is something of an acquired taste and in his current incarnation, Roddick 3.0, he’s one of the more interesting players on tour to watch. From the moment he comes out of the tunnel, he looks like a bull, pawing at the ground, waiting to charge. He takes almost no time between serves—he barely even sits down on changeovers. He’s almost Agassi-like in his between-point speed. (Roddick and Agassi could probably rip through five sets in about an hour forty-five.)
That’s all born of aggressiveness and Roddick is about as purely offensive player as you’ll ever see. What Connors has done is get him committed to staying on offense, every point, no matter what. From the moment Michael Barkan starts yammering to him in the tunnel, he wants to get it on. And you’ve seen that with Roddick the last couple years. He looks like he thinks he can beat anybody.
Except, of course, for Federer. Roddick has no chance against him. You know it. He knows it. The American people know it. It’ll be interesting to see how Federer beats him tonight.
Update: Agassi, doing a guest commentary stint, notes before the match that every time a rally goes over six shots, "Andy might as well hit the ball into the stands." So brutal. So true. I'd love to see a stat on points one per #-shot-rallies after the match.
Update 2: Through a set and a half they've had about 15 6+ shot rallies; Roddick hasn't won any of them.
Update 3: If you're still awake and you aren't tuned in to Roddick-Federer, flip it on now. We're at 1-1 in the third and there hasn't been a break of serve yet--heck, there's only been one break chance, even. And these two guys are playing total Rock 'n' Roll tennis--hit the ball as loud as you can. To be honest, I don't know that I've ever seen a bigger pure slug-fest.
Basta!
The New York Post is reporting that Mario Batali, one of the great Food Network pioneers, is no longer going to be on the network. According to the Post: "Sources said that network executives told the spotlight-loving chef last month his multiple shows, which includes the long-running 'Molto Mario,' would not be renewed and that he would no longer be competing in the popular 'Iron Chef America' series."
If you recall, Anthony Bourdain blogged on Batali being one of the few highlights on FN: "Is there any more egregiously under-used, criminally mishandled, dismissively treated chef on television? Relegated to the circus of 'Iron Chef America,' where--like a great, toothless lion, fouling his cage, he hangs on--and on--a major draw (and often the only reason to watch the show). How I would like to see him unchained, free to make the television shows he’s capable of, the Real Mario--in all his Rabelasian brilliance. How I would love to hear the snapping bones of his cruel FN ringmasters, crunching between his mighty jaws! Let us see the cloven hooves beneath those cheery clogs! Let Mario be Mario!"
Not that we should be at all surprised. When I interviewed Michael Smith, FN's senior vice president for marketing and creative services, I asked him about a celebrity chef saturation point and any fears he may have about Jumping the Shark. Explained Smith: "I think that the challenge for us is that when it was just a genre channel, being a place where you’d come if you wanted information about food, we knew that we could pretty much deliver that pretty consistently just by putting food on the screen and having people present it. But when it transformed into sort of a pop culture entertainment channel, where people watch it for the personalities, then you get into the same game that the NBCs and ABCs are in, that it’s not enough just to have someone making chicken salad. You’ve got to have this really great personality, and that’s where you can Jump the Shark because, as you know in entertainment TV, personalities burn out. You gotta find new ones. And so, you have an Emeril, and he’s a rock star, but then you need the next rock star and the next rock star and so we get into sort of a hits business of finding stars."
Indeed. But as sorry as I am to see Mario go (he'll have a show on PBS), we can still look forward to Nigella Lawson, who joins the Food Network in October.
Muffins, anyone?
If you recall, Anthony Bourdain blogged on Batali being one of the few highlights on FN: "Is there any more egregiously under-used, criminally mishandled, dismissively treated chef on television? Relegated to the circus of 'Iron Chef America,' where--like a great, toothless lion, fouling his cage, he hangs on--and on--a major draw (and often the only reason to watch the show). How I would like to see him unchained, free to make the television shows he’s capable of, the Real Mario--in all his Rabelasian brilliance. How I would love to hear the snapping bones of his cruel FN ringmasters, crunching between his mighty jaws! Let us see the cloven hooves beneath those cheery clogs! Let Mario be Mario!"
Not that we should be at all surprised. When I interviewed Michael Smith, FN's senior vice president for marketing and creative services, I asked him about a celebrity chef saturation point and any fears he may have about Jumping the Shark. Explained Smith: "I think that the challenge for us is that when it was just a genre channel, being a place where you’d come if you wanted information about food, we knew that we could pretty much deliver that pretty consistently just by putting food on the screen and having people present it. But when it transformed into sort of a pop culture entertainment channel, where people watch it for the personalities, then you get into the same game that the NBCs and ABCs are in, that it’s not enough just to have someone making chicken salad. You’ve got to have this really great personality, and that’s where you can Jump the Shark because, as you know in entertainment TV, personalities burn out. You gotta find new ones. And so, you have an Emeril, and he’s a rock star, but then you need the next rock star and the next rock star and so we get into sort of a hits business of finding stars."
Indeed. But as sorry as I am to see Mario go (he'll have a show on PBS), we can still look forward to Nigella Lawson, who joins the Food Network in October.
Muffins, anyone?
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
That Sinking Feeling
During this past Labor Day weekend, TNT broadcast Titanic on what seemed a continuous loop. So every now and then I would check up to see when things got interesting (i.e., the sinking) and ended up watching it from about halfway to the end credits.
A few observations, ten years later:
1. The acting is often terrible. The Italian and Irish stereotypes (Danny Nucci as "Fabrizio" and Jason Barry as "Tommy Ryan") are exceedingly over the top. On the other hand, James Cameron could not possibly have cast anyone better than Bernard Hill (Theoden!) as the captain. And yes, that was in fact Ioan Gruffudd playing an officer.
2. The movie contains one of the worst lines ever: When the old Rose (Gloria Stuart) explains to the crew and her daughter that "not even your grandfather" knew about Jack Dawson, she says: "A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets." I'm getting seasick.
3. So Jack and Rose emerge on deck after having sex in the backseat of a car. As they kiss, the lookout officers ogle them for a few seconds. Then the men look up and notice the "iceberg right ahead!" Had the officers not been distracted, they might have spotted the iceberg a bit earlier. Could the Titanic have been saved in those few precious seconds? In other words, should we hold Jack and Rose responsible for the sinking of the Titanic? I think so.
4. Old Rose's decision to throw the "Heart of the Ocean" into the deep rather than giving it to Bill Paxton, her granddaughter, or some charity is unforgivable. (Okay, maybe not to Bill Paxton.)
5. Rose survives by floating on a wooden plank while Jack swims next to her. I still believe it was big enough to support both of them.
6. TNT's large and animated promos that appear on the lower right corner of the screen are obnoxious. For a second, I thought Kyra Sedgwick and Holly Hunter were also drowning in the North Atlantic.
7. That breathy song was, is, and always will be a terrible, terrible song.
A few observations, ten years later:
1. The acting is often terrible. The Italian and Irish stereotypes (Danny Nucci as "Fabrizio" and Jason Barry as "Tommy Ryan") are exceedingly over the top. On the other hand, James Cameron could not possibly have cast anyone better than Bernard Hill (Theoden!) as the captain. And yes, that was in fact Ioan Gruffudd playing an officer.
2. The movie contains one of the worst lines ever: When the old Rose (Gloria Stuart) explains to the crew and her daughter that "not even your grandfather" knew about Jack Dawson, she says: "A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets." I'm getting seasick.
3. So Jack and Rose emerge on deck after having sex in the backseat of a car. As they kiss, the lookout officers ogle them for a few seconds. Then the men look up and notice the "iceberg right ahead!" Had the officers not been distracted, they might have spotted the iceberg a bit earlier. Could the Titanic have been saved in those few precious seconds? In other words, should we hold Jack and Rose responsible for the sinking of the Titanic? I think so.
4. Old Rose's decision to throw the "Heart of the Ocean" into the deep rather than giving it to Bill Paxton, her granddaughter, or some charity is unforgivable. (Okay, maybe not to Bill Paxton.)
5. Rose survives by floating on a wooden plank while Jack swims next to her. I still believe it was big enough to support both of them.
6. TNT's large and animated promos that appear on the lower right corner of the screen are obnoxious. For a second, I thought Kyra Sedgwick and Holly Hunter were also drowning in the North Atlantic.
7. That breathy song was, is, and always will be a terrible, terrible song.
KSK Does Porn
Sparking one of the all-time great comment threads, KSK does a mock draft of porn stars. It's all totally safe for work and packed with porn hilarity.
Galley Brother B.J., for one, will be outraged at how far Chasey Lain fell in the draft. She was a Tom Brady-level steal.
Galley Brother B.J., for one, will be outraged at how far Chasey Lain fell in the draft. She was a Tom Brady-level steal.
U.S. Open Notes
My search for Fabrice Santoro's amazing 2nd round shirt (seen above) lead me to this pretty great (although awkwardly named) tennis blog, Corned Beef Hash Marks. Enjoy.
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