Thursday, September 23, 2004

Klingons for Kerry

This story is the funniest thing you're going to read today, tomorrow, or next week:

The incumbent has staked his campaign on the war on terror. But those who speak the language of the Trek warrior race--known to disdain dishonor, or quvHa'ghach--seem alienated by Iraq and other issues. . . .

"A good war is based on honor, not deception," says K'tok (Earth name: Clyde Lewis), a 40-year-old Klingon from Lair Hill. "The first warrior, President Bush, deceived us all with this war." . . .

"On the home world, if there had been a contested election between Gore and Bush, the honorable thing would be for Gore to kill Bush," explained Khraanik (Earth name: Jason Lewis), a 38-year-old from Southeast Portland. "Or the other way around. And then ascend to the head of the High Council."

It's too early for Kerry to chill the ceremonial bloodwine, but Portland clinging are clearly warming to the cerebral Massachusetts Democrat.

"Kerry has shown his prowess," says 33-year-old Neqha (Earth name: Eric King) of discard. "He saved his fellow warrior under the gun, and has been commended and awarded medals."

Clearly. I mean, clearly.

1 comment:

Dean Barnett said...

In a related development, Kerry enjoys a huge lead amongst middle-aged virgins.